I'm 15, and this is my story. I'm not getting much feedback, so fire away.
Chapter 3*
The radio left advertising and sports and moved on to local news. Malik was surprised about how much time had passed. How long had it taken him to drive here? How long had he sat here?
** * * "Tragedy struck the Striner Condominium complex earlier today," reported the announcer. His voice was completely happy.*
** * * * Striner? Malik thought. That's where Dad lives.
** * * * "Forty-six year old Derek Swan was found murdered in his bedroom. Neighbors are shocked. Striner is the kind of place where you would never dream such a thing could happen."
** * * * *Dad?
** * * * *That Derek Swan?
** * * * *Murdered in his condo?
** * * * *That was impossible.
** * * * *Dad had not been home.
** * * * *Malik had been home.
** * * * *"Police are looking for Mr. Swan's teenage son, Malik Swan, *for questioning. Malik was seen driving away from the condo in his father's car before police arrived at the murder scene."
** * * * Malik dropped his milkshake. Vanilla dripped all over his shoes, and his father's precious car. He didn't care. His breath was not keeping him alive. He was turning blue.*
** * * * Murdered meant dead.
** * * * His father.
** * * * No. He refused to believe it. He needed Dad. He loved Dad.
** * * * "Malik is described as five feet eleven inches, 135 pounds, brown hair, and blue eyes. He is driving a '94 red Corvette, license 341GRD."
** * * *Malik turned off the radio, and slid in his seat. He wasn't a murderer. He knew it. Malik*started the car, and began driving, speeding, to get away. *To get away from everything. It didn't matter that he was seventeen with no license. He pushed the accelerator, speeding towards the highway.
** * * * As he drove, people admired the Corvette. As he passed them, or as they passed him, their eyes floated down the slick scarlet body of the car, and in each case, were startled to see him. He was the wrong driver for such a car, and everyone knew it.
** * * *And Malik thought: They announced my license plate over the radio.
I'm a girl by the way.. And this story is set in 1996. How can I improve?
And Malik is pronounced: Muh-leek.
Chapter 3*
The radio left advertising and sports and moved on to local news. Malik was surprised about how much time had passed. How long had it taken him to drive here? How long had he sat here?
** * * "Tragedy struck the Striner Condominium complex earlier today," reported the announcer. His voice was completely happy.*
** * * * Striner? Malik thought. That's where Dad lives.
** * * * "Forty-six year old Derek Swan was found murdered in his bedroom. Neighbors are shocked. Striner is the kind of place where you would never dream such a thing could happen."
** * * * *Dad?
** * * * *That Derek Swan?
** * * * *Murdered in his condo?
** * * * *That was impossible.
** * * * *Dad had not been home.
** * * * *Malik had been home.
** * * * *"Police are looking for Mr. Swan's teenage son, Malik Swan, *for questioning. Malik was seen driving away from the condo in his father's car before police arrived at the murder scene."
** * * * Malik dropped his milkshake. Vanilla dripped all over his shoes, and his father's precious car. He didn't care. His breath was not keeping him alive. He was turning blue.*
** * * * Murdered meant dead.
** * * * His father.
** * * * No. He refused to believe it. He needed Dad. He loved Dad.
** * * * "Malik is described as five feet eleven inches, 135 pounds, brown hair, and blue eyes. He is driving a '94 red Corvette, license 341GRD."
** * * *Malik turned off the radio, and slid in his seat. He wasn't a murderer. He knew it. Malik*started the car, and began driving, speeding, to get away. *To get away from everything. It didn't matter that he was seventeen with no license. He pushed the accelerator, speeding towards the highway.
** * * * As he drove, people admired the Corvette. As he passed them, or as they passed him, their eyes floated down the slick scarlet body of the car, and in each case, were startled to see him. He was the wrong driver for such a car, and everyone knew it.
** * * *And Malik thought: They announced my license plate over the radio.
I'm a girl by the way.. And this story is set in 1996. How can I improve?
And Malik is pronounced: Muh-leek.