Is it ok for ex mother in law to just call out of the blue?

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funkoala4645

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My ex mother in law calls me today out of the blue haven't seen this woman in a year wants to visit my kids. I know that shes their grandmother but her son and I went through a really bad divorce he was very abusive and she was on his side throughout the divorce. She lives in a different state and shes visiting the state i live in and she called me tonight wanting to see the kids. I feel like every time she shes them it brings up their father in their mind and all the bad stuff i just don't want to open up old wounds because they are little and haven't seen him in about 1 and 1/2 and they have started to move on with their lives being happy having a daddy who loves them and cares for them more than their biological one ever did and I just don't want them to see her and have everything reemerge and then she leaves and I have to pick up the pieces because she just wants to drop in and then leave which I feel will make them upset. Should I let her see them? Or tell her she cant just drop in un announced and expect me to drop my life and subject them to bad memories for a one time visit a year.
a year and 1/2 they havent seen their biological father
 
Let's say the x of mine and I have and eight year old daughter and I come back to OR every year to visit my family.But I don't want to see my daughter with my x,Because I think she better off without me coming in and out of her life.But she calls my other kids and asked them will I be coming back, and to call,That's really no better huh.It always hurts the child.But later on just tell the whole truth,You're Daddy was abusive and I didn't let nobody see you but my family.And my child will say momma how come I got two daddies,It's not about us, the kids.remember the kids.
 
No way. If she would let her son abuse you and side with him...not a chance.
And the kids do not need anyone around them that is not on thier mothers best interest.
 
I agree with most of the answers, however I don't agree that the mom has to side with her son just because he is her son. My mom always told me that she would always be behind me but that she would not uphold me in any BS. With that being said, I would ask the kids if they want to see her and how it would make them feel. You don't have to tell them that she is in your state but let them decide. Kids are resilient but I would not but them through anymore confusion, especially if they don't want to see her.
 
understand her situation. but i would tell her i do not want to hear the past, at all. make it clear. if you want to see the kids then fine . if you came to talk about the situation then no. that would not be the right time for nether of you. maybe one day you all can hash it out. so let her see the kids. but no talk.you are in charge. be firm. it is for the kids sake.
 
Grandparents are always the ones whom suffer the most after a divorce. Personally I think it's perfectly okay to let the kids see her. She has to side with her son even if she knows he's wrong. It's a mom thing to do. Give it at least a chance. If it was a bad choice you don't have to do it again.
 
You don't say how old the kids are, other than they are young. If they are old enough to remember her, though, I think you should ask them if they want to see her. Tell them that grandma so and so is in town and she would like to stop by for a visit...would that be okay with you? Then let their response be your guide. If they are as young as you say they are, they may not be old enough to make the connection that this woman is in any way connected to your exhusband...they may just think of her as grandma, but not realize what that means.

If they are okay with it, call her and let her know that the kids would like to see her, but that you are very apprehensive about this visit and why. Let her know that you would prefer that she not mention their father, as it is upsetting and/or confusing to them. Let her know that you will be there also, and you will end the visit if you feel the conversation is going in a bad direction.

If you do allow her to see them, try to meet at a neutral location, like a McDonalds with a play area or at the mall, particularly one your kids are familar with. That way the kids will feel comfortable, and you don't have to give her your home address (assuming she doesn't already have it.

As far as her siding with her son, I think it's difficult for most parents to be objective when it comes to divorce. If he was lying to her about the circumstances, she most likely was going to believe him and not you. Try not to hold that against her, unless she was actively trying to cause more problems.
 
tell her that you as their mother need to make decisions to protect them and you feel that this will only hurt them. when they are old enough they can make the decision on their own.
 
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