H
hanna_sams
Guest
I've been married to my husband for 15 years and let me say now, he's a nice guy. I know because everybody tells me he's such a nice guy, but they're not married to him. I am and it's been a 15 year mistake. We had a child a year and a half in and now, we have a couple more and it just feels like a huge downward spiral into my own misery. I love my kids but, I lost everything in this "relationship": My home, my car, my dignity and my self-respect. I spend my days just trying to survive my days and take care of the kids and there isn't any "I" in "Me" anymore. We've been just roommates almost since the beginning (he was my first child) - no sex in 4.5 years - and if I could afford to leave, I would. I'm not willing to put my kids thru a divorce and public assistance (I have a disability that prohibits me from holding a job) and I'm not willing to let anyone else raise my kids for me.
Lately, the fantasizing and romanticizing of a better life threatens to overtake my reality and I feel like I'm pressed up against the glass able to look but not to have the "dream life" I'm so longing for. I'm 43 and wondering, is there a happily ever after for me.
Does anyone out there understand this?
To clarify: My husband is in denial that our marriage is dead and refuses therapy - I tried that route for years. No, there was no bankruptcy, just the loss of everything I held dear. My kids see our unhappiness every day because we fight. We don't have an outlet to air our differences away from little ears and they know their parents are unhappy - it's just their "norm". I understand my role in all of this. I said 'yes' and now, we're all paying a high price for my choice. If I'd known then what I know now, this mistake would never have happened. I am depressed and I can't see the light at the end of the relationship.
Lately, the fantasizing and romanticizing of a better life threatens to overtake my reality and I feel like I'm pressed up against the glass able to look but not to have the "dream life" I'm so longing for. I'm 43 and wondering, is there a happily ever after for me.
Does anyone out there understand this?
To clarify: My husband is in denial that our marriage is dead and refuses therapy - I tried that route for years. No, there was no bankruptcy, just the loss of everything I held dear. My kids see our unhappiness every day because we fight. We don't have an outlet to air our differences away from little ears and they know their parents are unhappy - it's just their "norm". I understand my role in all of this. I said 'yes' and now, we're all paying a high price for my choice. If I'd known then what I know now, this mistake would never have happened. I am depressed and I can't see the light at the end of the relationship.