Is an invitation to a chat over coffee considered to be an expression of romantic

A

Aleksander R

New member
interest for American women? Case in point: I recently made what appeared to be a huge social faux paus and asked a woman I know from a class we're in together if she'd like to go for coffee and a chat with me. As it turns out, she got all bent out of shape and nervous about the whole thing, and went into this elaborate explanation of how she had a boyfriend already, how she prefers to remain faithful to him, etc. I managed to supress my amusement over her dramatic reaction to my very simple, meaningless offer with not a single string attached, but i'm wondering why and how an invitation to a chat over coffee could be so violently misunderstood to be taken instead as a marriage proposal. Is this normal with American women? At first I thought that my being a black male may have frightened her a bit, but then her reaction was so strong and dramatic that I figured her reaction would've been the same for any guy other than her boyfriend. Maybe I'm simply accustomed to the casual atmosphere of social situations in Europe, and that's why this incident seems so extreme to me. Any thoughts? Any guys out there had the same experience before?
It's no big deal, and certainly not worth explaining to her- but this is the first time i've ever experienced something like this. I told my girlfriend about it and she thought it was quite odd behavior as well.
Actually, this was pretty much a "one time only" offer- we were standing outside right after class, talking for about 15 minutes in front of the building, when i simply proposed that we go to the cafeteria and continue chatting over coffee. period. that was it! i have done the exact same thing with a couple of guys from this class, and with other people I know, of course. I had no intention whatsoever of dating this girl or of trying to get closer to her- i was simply passing time and wanted to be a bit closer to the bus stop (right in front of the cafeteria), as my bus was about to come in another 15 minutes or so. :-)
 
LOL- I suspect your being black has more to do with it than you think. Are you in a conservative area- like the south, or the midwest? You mentioned something about European women, so I assume you're not an American. I don't know how long you've been in the U.S., but I can tell you that a good portion of American white women (certainly not all of them) have been conditioned by society from day one to be weary of black men in general. I think what you did in asking that woman to coffee is absolutely harmless, but she took it (and reacted to it) in a manner in which most white women would- that's just the way it is. I hope this one experience doesn't ruin your impression of the U.S., and know that not all American women behave in such a manner!
 
lol, welcome to the crazy world of american women! there are a couple things that come to mind regarding this situation.

1. if the girl was white she might have been more reluctant. black guys in the USA tend to come on strong to women and frankly it freaks a lot of them out.

2. maybe she has an extremely jealous boyfriend and she didnt want to get into trouble with him for going out with you.

3. going out for coffee in itself sounds innocent, but it can easily be mistaken as being flirtatious. maybe you should suggest something a little more innocent like going to the library or something. let her know that the only thing your interested in is a conversation.

4. lastly, invite the guy along with you. let her know that you have nothing to hide.

hope this helps
 
Hmm...well from a girl's point of view, a guy asking to chat at a coffee house could be taken as him interested in getting to know her...for romantic reasons or not. It sucks that this world has come to that, but with myself and my friends, that's usually how it's taken and usually what it ends up being. You might wanna explain to her, though, that that isn't what you meant. She'll probably get embarrassed but it would save her humiliation in the future ;)
 
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