imported_miley_fan
New member
I had a huge huge entry written detailing the reason Ive been damn near MIA for the last month and a half. I realized after the fact that I had gotten only halfway through oct, and had written 500 words that it was way too long to ever read.
Basically I havent slept more than 4 hours a night since sept. Im doing way too much, and I have realized that I am somewhat addicted to "helping" people. Between the FRG and a single female soldier who had surgery, and the calendar, and friends, and everything else....I realized that my volunteer hours (and work hours, and favor hours) have exceeded my family time hours. I am not entirely sure if I have had more than a handful of "me" hours at all. It feels like everytime I am still, I get completely and utterly depressed. I cant even describe how horrible the feeling is. I had no idea until the other day that I was cramming as much as possible into my life to hide this fact. I have literally been moving, and doing and making busywork until I absolutely drop at night into unconsciousness.
Im not even sure how to handle this. Do I keep going like this? It always feels to me that no matter how much I have done, that I havent done enough. If Im not absolutely dead tired when I go to bed, I stay awake going over everything I COULD have done. If someone asks a favor, and I cant help....a huge overwhelming feeling of guilt washes over me, and I cant get over it. I dwell for days.
My patience is completely gone. If I have to do something, and someone gets in my way...I become pissed beyond belief. Yet I cant force myself to say anything. Im bottling everything up. Im so busy dealing with everyone else around me's problems and dramas and "being there" for them, and trying to be sensitive to everyone else's needs that i am being completely trampled and I know it.
My best is never enough for anyone in my life.
Basically I havent slept more than 4 hours a night since sept. Im doing way too much, and I have realized that I am somewhat addicted to "helping" people. Between the FRG and a single female soldier who had surgery, and the calendar, and friends, and everything else....I realized that my volunteer hours (and work hours, and favor hours) have exceeded my family time hours. I am not entirely sure if I have had more than a handful of "me" hours at all. It feels like everytime I am still, I get completely and utterly depressed. I cant even describe how horrible the feeling is. I had no idea until the other day that I was cramming as much as possible into my life to hide this fact. I have literally been moving, and doing and making busywork until I absolutely drop at night into unconsciousness.
Im not even sure how to handle this. Do I keep going like this? It always feels to me that no matter how much I have done, that I havent done enough. If Im not absolutely dead tired when I go to bed, I stay awake going over everything I COULD have done. If someone asks a favor, and I cant help....a huge overwhelming feeling of guilt washes over me, and I cant get over it. I dwell for days.
My patience is completely gone. If I have to do something, and someone gets in my way...I become pissed beyond belief. Yet I cant force myself to say anything. Im bottling everything up. Im so busy dealing with everyone else around me's problems and dramas and "being there" for them, and trying to be sensitive to everyone else's needs that i am being completely trampled and I know it.
My best is never enough for anyone in my life.
