Hi, let me give you some details about me that might help you come up with an answer. I'm a Sophemore in high school, nearly 16, male, very nice and kind, but I can be very quiet and non sociable.
For the past 2 1/2 years, I've been in this state of depression, never really knowing why it was I felt so horrible, tired, and unmotivated all the time everyday. But it ate away at my life, and my family started to see my grades slip, even though I'm told I'm very smart, and I personally thought the work was easy, but I just didn't want to try at anything. I went to see a psychiatrist, or psychologist, not sure which one. I had regular appointments for 6 months once a week to find out what was wrong. However, during this time, I started a long distance relationship with someone (My first 'real' one as well) then everyone noticed, including myself, I began to turn around and bring all of my grades back up, I felt happier overall, more excited, and I didn't feel so sad. I stopped my appointments with my psych...
I would go to see my girlfriend once or twice every 3 months for a year. Each time we visited, we were extremely close to each other (Mentally, emotionally, and physically, not so much sexually) The days I saw her, I have no doubt, were the happiest days of my life, I'd spend them at the park, playing games, cuddling with her watching a movie. I loved every moment, of it, and I was always heartbroken when it was time to leave.
A few months ago, I discovered she had eyes for another guy, and she had begun to treat me poorly and insult me over the phone, (We'd talk every single day we possibly could, I really loved her) and then I was absolutely hurt to the very core of my soul. I had given my 150% to her, all my love and care, and she took a 180 and left me to wonder. I broke up with her, and apparently she thought I was too in love with her to do that, and she couldn't believe it, she was shocked for 2 months, and just now stopped trying to get me back.
Now, my depression has slowly been coming back, stronger than the last time, but I'm forcing myself to continue my efforts toward my grades. It gets harder each day, and I'm not sure how long I can keep telling myself to give it my best. But that relationship I believe has shown me why I'm depressed. I feel that my greatest desire is to have a close intimate relationship with a girl again, so I can relieve my stress, and feel the love and support from her. Because I just noticed how lonely I truly feel, and I believe that will rid me of my depression if I can have that.
But my problem is that, I'm not the one for going out and chatting to girls, I've always been shy, quiet, reserved, even with my old girlfriend. I have met a very sweet girl recently, and I've managed to become her friend. She knows I like her, and she knows I want to be with her as a couple, but I have to do the deed of asking her out first. I can't seem to get closer though, because I'm never the one for conversation, and I enjoy listening to her more than talking, which I think is creating the distance. But even if I ask her out, which is very hard for me to do, even if we are good friends, it doesn't seem we'd ever reach the level of intimacy I think I'd need to rid myself of this shadow over me. I want to cuddle, hold her hand, be there for her, make her feel special, everything to be as close as humanly possible. But will it happen, and how do I get there?
For the past 2 1/2 years, I've been in this state of depression, never really knowing why it was I felt so horrible, tired, and unmotivated all the time everyday. But it ate away at my life, and my family started to see my grades slip, even though I'm told I'm very smart, and I personally thought the work was easy, but I just didn't want to try at anything. I went to see a psychiatrist, or psychologist, not sure which one. I had regular appointments for 6 months once a week to find out what was wrong. However, during this time, I started a long distance relationship with someone (My first 'real' one as well) then everyone noticed, including myself, I began to turn around and bring all of my grades back up, I felt happier overall, more excited, and I didn't feel so sad. I stopped my appointments with my psych...
I would go to see my girlfriend once or twice every 3 months for a year. Each time we visited, we were extremely close to each other (Mentally, emotionally, and physically, not so much sexually) The days I saw her, I have no doubt, were the happiest days of my life, I'd spend them at the park, playing games, cuddling with her watching a movie. I loved every moment, of it, and I was always heartbroken when it was time to leave.
A few months ago, I discovered she had eyes for another guy, and she had begun to treat me poorly and insult me over the phone, (We'd talk every single day we possibly could, I really loved her) and then I was absolutely hurt to the very core of my soul. I had given my 150% to her, all my love and care, and she took a 180 and left me to wonder. I broke up with her, and apparently she thought I was too in love with her to do that, and she couldn't believe it, she was shocked for 2 months, and just now stopped trying to get me back.
Now, my depression has slowly been coming back, stronger than the last time, but I'm forcing myself to continue my efforts toward my grades. It gets harder each day, and I'm not sure how long I can keep telling myself to give it my best. But that relationship I believe has shown me why I'm depressed. I feel that my greatest desire is to have a close intimate relationship with a girl again, so I can relieve my stress, and feel the love and support from her. Because I just noticed how lonely I truly feel, and I believe that will rid me of my depression if I can have that.
But my problem is that, I'm not the one for going out and chatting to girls, I've always been shy, quiet, reserved, even with my old girlfriend. I have met a very sweet girl recently, and I've managed to become her friend. She knows I like her, and she knows I want to be with her as a couple, but I have to do the deed of asking her out first. I can't seem to get closer though, because I'm never the one for conversation, and I enjoy listening to her more than talking, which I think is creating the distance. But even if I ask her out, which is very hard for me to do, even if we are good friends, it doesn't seem we'd ever reach the level of intimacy I think I'd need to rid myself of this shadow over me. I want to cuddle, hold her hand, be there for her, make her feel special, everything to be as close as humanly possible. But will it happen, and how do I get there?