In love with a cocaine addict

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Leigh9259

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Where do I start? It seems simple enough. I met someone that showered me with the much needed love and attention that I so desperately wanted. He was all that I could ever ask for and much, much more. He lives in Chicago I lived in the suburbs. Pretty soon we were inseperable. He asked me to move in with him and I did. Shortly after moving in with him he would not come home for 2-3 days nor would he call. The more it happened the more angry I got. So when he did come home from his 2-3 disappearance I would confront him. He told me there was noone else and he just wanted to get away for a while. A couple of months went by and things were great....soon he asked me to marry him and I said yes....so with a BEAUTIFUL engagement ring we set out to get married. I was in the miRABt of planning a getaway and had to phone his sister for something....this is where I find out the truth...My fiance is a drug addict. He has been addicted to cocaine for over 20 years. Now the pieces of the puzzle fit.....I am in love with a drug addict. Soon I confronted him about it. The money that he spent, the time away. He confessed everything to me...WHAT DO I DO? I LOVE HIM..PEOPLE SAY LEAVE...HE IS NO GOOD FOR YOU....YOU CAN DO BETTER....LEAVE HIM BEFORE HE BRINGS YOU DOWN.

I do love him and leaving him is not as easy as it sounRAB.... let me say this. We are both professional people. I am college educated. He is top sales man in his industry...from the outside in...we are living the American dream.

I wish someone could listen to what I say without telling me to leave. Yes, I will leave when the time is right for me...but what do I do in the meantime? How do i cope with this? I want him to get help. I want him to get help before it is too late for him..

I don't want to become a widow.
 
Hi Leigh9259,

I am also in love with a cocain addict, and I can honestly relate to what you are going through. My situation is similar, yet different in its own ways. I met my bf and I fell head over heels right away, we are so in love, we are moving in together, and we both agree that we have never felt this way about eachother before.
Its a bit different for me in that we were close before, and I knew that he sufferes from clinical depression, and I knew he is bi-polar. Only after we got really close and I realized how bad he was (when we met he was really sick and depressed) he opened up to me about his cocain addiction. Now, he is only 27, and hasn't been addicted for 20 years, but he has been in rehab, and detox many many times when we was younger. He was clean up until about a month ago, for years and years...But once his past relationship crurabled and his depression got real bad, he turned to drugs again. He is also addicted to pain killers, and prescription drugs.
The main thing is though, your fiancee HAS to be willing to change, he HAS to realize that your relationship will not work and you cannot be happy if hes an addict. In my case, my bf wants to get clean again, and where hes fought it before, he knows he can do it again.
I know people tell me ALL the time,my frienRAB etc...He's no good for you, leave him, he's only going to drag you down. But the honest truth is he NEERAB ME. He neeRAB my support, and he neeRAB my help to get him through this, and help him get better. He's willing to change, and hes willing to get clean for us. I don't think he could handle me giving up on him.

It has came down to me having to throw his drugs out, its came down to me having to hide EVERY single drug (advil etc..) in my house, to the point where I cannot CANNOT keep anything in our house, but, if thats what he neeRAB me to do, and if thats what I have to do to help him, I will.
The main thing is, do you love him enough to help and support him to get better? Because you cannot allow him to continually ruin his life...I cant say that "one day I will leave, but not yet", because one day he will be better, and be no longer addicted, and we can be happy.
You need a lot of patience, and he has to be willing to make changes.
My bf has been clean for 2 weeks now, 2 WHOLE WEEKS. Thats a huge, huge deal....He's been seeing a therapist everyday, going to cocain anoymous meetings, reading addiction books, hes really trying, and I know, without my help, and my support, he wouldnt be able to do it. He's already told me that if I never stuck around, and if i werent in his life, and if i LEFT him...hed become an addict again....To me, our love is worth this fight, no matter how long it takes for him to get better. Its all one step at a time,
I guess you need to talk to him and figure out if he's willing to change his life for you and him and your relationship...make him get help.
 
Do what your instincts tell you.

Treatment is always an option. Life or death, right?
 
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