BlackWingedAngel
New member
So this has happened a few times...and I will try to explain each time best I can but the basics of it is like this.
Randomly, it doesn't seem to have any set trigger but I will become uncontrollably violent. Generally short bursts nothing to long I regain control rather fast. But as I regain control it is like something in my mind is telling me to keep going. After that I have such an adrenaline high I am shaking and I sit and try to rationalize why I did what I just did.
It seems to occur when I feel threatened, am very stressed, or when someone is choking me, also once when i was very tired, other then that it is random.
Here are some occurrences of it:
(very tired) My friend whipped a hacky sack at me and it hit me in the face, I then threw a cane at him ran at him picked him up and threw him to the ground.
(feeling threatened)Another time, same friend actually, we were all drinking a bit and I had my BB gun. I shot someone unexpectedly just so we all could laugh and we all did we found it funny and I was laying in the hallway laughing where it was dark and he came approaching me out of the lit room and went to grab me to take the gun and I just emptied the whole BB clip into him then beat him with the gun until someone stopped me (seems less control when intoxicated, but that would make sense) Now I believe I felt threatened by how I opened my eyes look up and a black silhouette of a person is just coming down on me.
(high stress) this was the most recent, but my friend went to take my ipod off the speakers and I jumped up to stop him and we were just kinda pushing each other messing around and he grabbed my necklace at one point and tugged and without thinking I just punched him right in the face (luckily not to hard) and his head rocked and he fell back onto the coach.
(choking) this one was awhile ago, but me and my friend were walking through a grocery store and I was walking faster then he was so he just tugged on my hood to slow me down and it choked me a bit and out of no where I just spun around and hooked him in the face.
So those are the events I can remember, it is really a blind rage and after I do it its like I have a voice in my head that tells me to keep going. and I have to try to rationalize and reason to keep myself from going, and I have no doubt in my mind that if I gave into "the voice" and kept going I would probably end up killing whoever it is and it is really starting to scare me. I am just trying to get an idea if this is really something and if there is a way to prevent it from happening, all ideas and diagnosis are welcomed, thank you.
Randomly, it doesn't seem to have any set trigger but I will become uncontrollably violent. Generally short bursts nothing to long I regain control rather fast. But as I regain control it is like something in my mind is telling me to keep going. After that I have such an adrenaline high I am shaking and I sit and try to rationalize why I did what I just did.
It seems to occur when I feel threatened, am very stressed, or when someone is choking me, also once when i was very tired, other then that it is random.
Here are some occurrences of it:
(very tired) My friend whipped a hacky sack at me and it hit me in the face, I then threw a cane at him ran at him picked him up and threw him to the ground.
(feeling threatened)Another time, same friend actually, we were all drinking a bit and I had my BB gun. I shot someone unexpectedly just so we all could laugh and we all did we found it funny and I was laying in the hallway laughing where it was dark and he came approaching me out of the lit room and went to grab me to take the gun and I just emptied the whole BB clip into him then beat him with the gun until someone stopped me (seems less control when intoxicated, but that would make sense) Now I believe I felt threatened by how I opened my eyes look up and a black silhouette of a person is just coming down on me.
(high stress) this was the most recent, but my friend went to take my ipod off the speakers and I jumped up to stop him and we were just kinda pushing each other messing around and he grabbed my necklace at one point and tugged and without thinking I just punched him right in the face (luckily not to hard) and his head rocked and he fell back onto the coach.
(choking) this one was awhile ago, but me and my friend were walking through a grocery store and I was walking faster then he was so he just tugged on my hood to slow me down and it choked me a bit and out of no where I just spun around and hooked him in the face.
So those are the events I can remember, it is really a blind rage and after I do it its like I have a voice in my head that tells me to keep going. and I have to try to rationalize and reason to keep myself from going, and I have no doubt in my mind that if I gave into "the voice" and kept going I would probably end up killing whoever it is and it is really starting to scare me. I am just trying to get an idea if this is really something and if there is a way to prevent it from happening, all ideas and diagnosis are welcomed, thank you.