I really don't want to be asexual but I think I am.
Really, I don't know what I am attracted to, if anything. I don't believe I will ever be able to have sex, since I'm not sexually attracted to either sex. I think I may be attracted physically (perhaps...it's difficult for me to establish though) to both sexes and emotionally, only women. However, sexually to neither. I mean, if I looked at porn or sexual pictures, I wouldn't feel anything, maybe I would think they were nice to look at but I wouldn't get at all horny. I believe I have been sexually aroused a couple of times in my life. I was about 17 the last time and about 14 the first time. This is what leads me to believe I'm not actually asexual. It only happened a couple of times, it wasn't very strong though. The first time it was, the other times I bearly got any feeling at all. The first time it was a very very strong throbbing sensation (sorry for the graphic details). I wish I could get that again.
Perhaps I have a hormone imbalance. I don't want to go to a doctor about it. I really wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. Isn't there any other kind of illness I could convince the doctor I perhaps had so that they would take hormone tests? I know that sounds ridiculous. I'm desperately unhappy because of it, though. Please don't tell me to accept it, I can't. How am I supposed to live a normal life this way? No one wants a girlfriend doesn't get anything from sex. Would you honestly want that from your girlfriend? I'd have sex to make the other person happy though. I wouldn't mind the closeness of the experience, since I want to be romantic with another person.
Help me please. This makes me so unhappy.
I'm a girl by the way.
Also, I have another detail to tell you. I have a friend, a lesbian, I've known her for 7 months. We were dating for one month, then I had to go to university in a different country so we stopped it. However, my romantic feelings for her didn't stop and she also still likes me. In fact, she hasn't gone near anyone else since meeting me, always tries to convince me to continue things with her, however, unlike what I tell her, it's not because I'm at university that I can't be with her, it's because I'm not sexually attracted to her. I am very romantically attracted to her. In fact, I can't survive without her. We've messed around. I get nothing sexually out of it. At first it was very interesting to see how she responded to what I was doing to her but now I'm bored of it. I don't get turned by any of it. Maybe it's because she's not amazingly attractive though, I don't know.
Turned on*
Really, I don't know what I am attracted to, if anything. I don't believe I will ever be able to have sex, since I'm not sexually attracted to either sex. I think I may be attracted physically (perhaps...it's difficult for me to establish though) to both sexes and emotionally, only women. However, sexually to neither. I mean, if I looked at porn or sexual pictures, I wouldn't feel anything, maybe I would think they were nice to look at but I wouldn't get at all horny. I believe I have been sexually aroused a couple of times in my life. I was about 17 the last time and about 14 the first time. This is what leads me to believe I'm not actually asexual. It only happened a couple of times, it wasn't very strong though. The first time it was, the other times I bearly got any feeling at all. The first time it was a very very strong throbbing sensation (sorry for the graphic details). I wish I could get that again.
Perhaps I have a hormone imbalance. I don't want to go to a doctor about it. I really wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. Isn't there any other kind of illness I could convince the doctor I perhaps had so that they would take hormone tests? I know that sounds ridiculous. I'm desperately unhappy because of it, though. Please don't tell me to accept it, I can't. How am I supposed to live a normal life this way? No one wants a girlfriend doesn't get anything from sex. Would you honestly want that from your girlfriend? I'd have sex to make the other person happy though. I wouldn't mind the closeness of the experience, since I want to be romantic with another person.
Help me please. This makes me so unhappy.
I'm a girl by the way.
Also, I have another detail to tell you. I have a friend, a lesbian, I've known her for 7 months. We were dating for one month, then I had to go to university in a different country so we stopped it. However, my romantic feelings for her didn't stop and she also still likes me. In fact, she hasn't gone near anyone else since meeting me, always tries to convince me to continue things with her, however, unlike what I tell her, it's not because I'm at university that I can't be with her, it's because I'm not sexually attracted to her. I am very romantically attracted to her. In fact, I can't survive without her. We've messed around. I get nothing sexually out of it. At first it was very interesting to see how she responded to what I was doing to her but now I'm bored of it. I don't get turned by any of it. Maybe it's because she's not amazingly attractive though, I don't know.
Turned on*