I am 20 years old. I don't drink, smoke, or do any kinds of drugs. I barely graduated high school. Subsequently, I ended up attending a community college a year after. I failed all of my classes. I tried the same community college again this quarter and I think I'm going to fail this class again because if you fail one essay you fail the whole class, and I couldn't complete this essay even when I almost got a 100% on my last essay. I don't have motivation for much of anything. I sincerely have no hobbies because nothing interests me enough to engage routinely on something. I tried to think of goals I had and I have none. I still live with my mom whom I don't get along that well with. I work at a fast food restaurant. Despite it all, I feel happy about everything. Every voice in my head says, "I don't care." I have no desire to fiddle in charity work or to clean my house. I just feel like life is too short to worry about chores--it's too traditional. The only thing I clean is like dirty things like the bathroom and kitchen and make sure no dirty stuff are laying around, otherwise my house is a complete mess with clothes, shoes, coats, jackets, junk, unfinished books, electronics, papers flung all over the place. I wake up and walk up mounds of clothes in my room, get in my car, and aimlessly drive around until I put myself on empty with the windows down and my music blaring. Life always feels good in those moments.
Then I get home with nothing left to do and I'm completely bored. I can't find anything that interests me. Can't think of anything that interests me. And then I start contemplating about life, and while at first it's fascinating thoughts, then I start thinking about me. I start thinking about how lonely I am and how I feel no love or support from anyone, ever. I start realizing the lonely road ahead, where I continue to hide my sexuality (I am a gay man) to the people I meet furthermore isolating me and unable to be truly happy. Then I'm just like, "But who cares?!" I snap out of my pensive thinking and wonder why I care so much about stupid stuff that will never happen. Then I accept that I'll probably never fall in love and start questioning, why do I need to fall in love to be happy? Then I go about my day content, inside (most likely browsing the computer for hours and hours), and then I repeat the next day unless I have to go to work.
Then I get home with nothing left to do and I'm completely bored. I can't find anything that interests me. Can't think of anything that interests me. And then I start contemplating about life, and while at first it's fascinating thoughts, then I start thinking about me. I start thinking about how lonely I am and how I feel no love or support from anyone, ever. I start realizing the lonely road ahead, where I continue to hide my sexuality (I am a gay man) to the people I meet furthermore isolating me and unable to be truly happy. Then I'm just like, "But who cares?!" I snap out of my pensive thinking and wonder why I care so much about stupid stuff that will never happen. Then I accept that I'll probably never fall in love and start questioning, why do I need to fall in love to be happy? Then I go about my day content, inside (most likely browsing the computer for hours and hours), and then I repeat the next day unless I have to go to work.