Before you even say it I already am muscular and love lifting weights, love playing all dynamic sports and am a relatively decent fighter.
I also have a face like Justin Bieber, and before you say "some women find it cute", I should mention that I live in Egypt not America so pre-marital relations here are a big risk and not an option unless you really really want it. Despite having muscles my body still has feminine look about it. So looking feminine in a country where hyper-masculinity is heavily promoted by culture and religion makes me feel bad and uncomfortable.
But the main reason I don't feel masculine is because despite being only 19, most of my peers are far ahead of me in terms of life experience, street sense and know-how in situations such as what to do when your car breaks down, learning directions, dealing with red tape in government institutions etc.
I am constantly worried that if my parents died now (which they might) then how will I support myself? How will I support my family? How will I make people depend on me when honestly I can't depend or trust myself or my judgement and actions?
Even my personality is feminine - look how much I'm complaining over dumb things and blabbering on for instance lol. I notice I have very similar thought patterns, actions and even sometimes appearance as many women. Get this (it's a real kicker) - when I'm driving for instance and a car crashes into mine and it's their fault and they apologize my personality is too feminine to even be angry. I hardly get angry because I'm afraid of how the other person will react, I always try to impress them because I always feel like the flawed one - can you imagine that? Women do stuff like that more than men.
I don't want "feel good" answers, I want answers that will functionally help me in being able to depend on myself better and eventually have other people depend on me.
I also have a face like Justin Bieber, and before you say "some women find it cute", I should mention that I live in Egypt not America so pre-marital relations here are a big risk and not an option unless you really really want it. Despite having muscles my body still has feminine look about it. So looking feminine in a country where hyper-masculinity is heavily promoted by culture and religion makes me feel bad and uncomfortable.
But the main reason I don't feel masculine is because despite being only 19, most of my peers are far ahead of me in terms of life experience, street sense and know-how in situations such as what to do when your car breaks down, learning directions, dealing with red tape in government institutions etc.
I am constantly worried that if my parents died now (which they might) then how will I support myself? How will I support my family? How will I make people depend on me when honestly I can't depend or trust myself or my judgement and actions?
Even my personality is feminine - look how much I'm complaining over dumb things and blabbering on for instance lol. I notice I have very similar thought patterns, actions and even sometimes appearance as many women. Get this (it's a real kicker) - when I'm driving for instance and a car crashes into mine and it's their fault and they apologize my personality is too feminine to even be angry. I hardly get angry because I'm afraid of how the other person will react, I always try to impress them because I always feel like the flawed one - can you imagine that? Women do stuff like that more than men.
I don't want "feel good" answers, I want answers that will functionally help me in being able to depend on myself better and eventually have other people depend on me.