I'm in a random poetry mood what do you think?

  • Thread starter Thread starter The one and Only
  • Start date Start date
T

The one and Only

Guest
ok, thanks for that note at the end...i was confused.
i don't share your views on the subject, but that aside, i think this is a good poem.
i like the contradiction of having a sing-song-y rhyme convey such a serious topic.
overall, i thought it was very powerful
 
Does life begin with contraception,
the church thinks so, in their perception,
they use this fact to force through extortion,
more followers protected from abortion

The parents they may be unfit,
but the words are in the bible writ',
that life is sacred from the start,
and reproduction is an art,

An art form that we must preserve,
for those children do deserve,
to live a life that would have been take,
Its for our God, for goodness sake.

We have no right to stop potential,
even if its exponential,
that lives will be ruined at the cost,
children gained, but careers lost

Dont we have a right to choose,
if the baby is to lose,
If the child is to be born,
or must we face hells hateful scorn.

(i was in a religious views mood)
OK I JUST REALISED AFTER WRITING!!! IN THE FIRST LINE IT SHOULDN"T BE "CONTRACEPTION" BUT IT SHOULD BE INSTEAD CONCEPTION!!!
 
In the first line of the first quatrain, i believe you meant to say "conception" as opposed to "contraception."
You are trying to ask if life begins at conception
not if life begins when you take a contraceptive - ie birth control.

You need to go back and look at punctuation - missing periods, perhaps change some to question marks, over use of comma.

I think the topic is fine, but I am questioning your use of rhyme - as it appears forced and takes away from what you are trying to say. Also consider the use of imagery. You are just telling me stuff - can you say what you want to say here, but describe a scene or picture? Just a thought.
 
Back
Top