I'm having weird feelings about my boyfriend?

[Nia]

Hi , im 18 . I met my boyfriend last year in march. i was crazy about him. ibut he plaued hard to get. i always texted him he would never text back. then later we got together then he would always tell me he didnt want to be with me and give me weird reasons why.. such as i was a burden .. he needed to focus on school or whatever this was way back in september of last year. now finally January of this year we got together he completely changed we talkd on the phone all the time .. i met his family we fell deep in love. Then one day in april i was sitting in class and we were texting then all of a sudden i started getting weird feelings about him. It was something i've never experienced before. it was like i didnt want to talk to him , i didnt have the same feelins for him, i t was scary i couldnt concentrate for the rest of the day i was crying i even went to my school phscyatrist and everything . she couldnt fiqure out what was wrong with me. Now this feeling has not left at all . its now september and its still here. its actually caused alot of problems in our relationship . we argue i treat him like shit whenever this feeling gets out of control. i dont want to kiss him at all. but its weird becuse i still love him want to be around him all the time. sometimes i want him to mess up so bad like cheat on me anything but i dont know why. in betweent time i've been to a physciatrist and she asked about my past life and my aunt that i lived with told her she thinks its becuase all the deaths i've gone through in my life that im afraid to love. my mom past wen i was four alot of my uncles and aunts have passed and just last year my grandma passed. if it is because of depression why does it target him? and why hasnt it gone away? PLEASE HELP . and if its not depression wat is it ?????