M
maylene1852
Guest
im thinking im writing 3rd person omniscient but someone just said it was first mixed with second?
help what tense did i start in? did i mess up? i need your help!
Adalie woke to the sound of rain dripping into metal buckets. The roof of her house had many missing shingles and when it rained it often leaked. It didn’t help that her house was on the edge of a rather dismal lake, which seemed to make it rain heavier there than anywhere else. The dripping of the rain was pleasant and although her nose was cold, the rest of her was warm and toasty under her heavy quilt, and she wished she could sleep just a little bit longer. Sighing, she kicked off her covers and ran to empty the buckets. There were chores to be done, and on top of that she didn’t want her bedroom to flood and give her more work to do. She pulled on her heavy galoshes, threw on her raincoat and went to milk Nanny. It was cold outside and windy. The fog rolling around the lake enveloped her house and made it hard to see. Adalie ran into the lean-to and slammed the door.
“We really should make an entrance from the house,” thought Adalie as she grabbed a handful of alfalfa. “M-e-e-e-h,” Adalie bleated. The snowy white goat trotted to her outstretched palm and started crunching. Adalie pulled up her stool and bucket and milked her. Then she raked the floor and added clean wheat straw. She checked the chicken coop for eggs and found three which she promptly stuck into her pockets. She patted the goat, picked up the milk bucket and headed back to the house.
“How many eggs did you get?” asked her father as she came into the house.
“Three, one for each of us,” she replied.
Her father was a tall man. He had a shock of black hair over a weathered and stern face, his voice was gruff, and his eyes sad but he treated his girls very kindly. Everyday he tended the neighbors many goats. Once he had had as many, maybe even more, but much time has passed since then and now he only owns the one she goat. That goat gave them milk and cheese. Their few hens provided breakfast. “Perhaps I should buy another hen,” he suggested.
“We cant afford it,” replied Kader. “Besides, 3 eggs is plenty enough for us.”
Her sister, Kader was already 16, five whole years older than she was. Kader was tall and beautiful in a way that Adalie was not. Where Adalie was tall and thin, Kader was voluptuous. She had a full bosom and her back had the loveliest arch. Her hair was the color of warm honey and not the drab dark color the rest of the family had. Since their mother passed away it was she who ran the house. She alone made sure the house was clean, that there was food to eat, and that Adalie behaved. Already the floors were swept, the stove blazing hot and water heating up for the midday stew. Coffee was already steaming in three mugs. Now she took the eggs away from Adalie and proceeded to cook them. Kader scrambled them up with the rich goat milk and added cheese and chunks of onion and peppers. She divided it among the 3 of them giving their father the bigger portion. Along with the eggs they each had a hunk of bread, that although a little stale, was just fine toasted a bit and dunked in the dark sweet coffee.
help what tense did i start in? did i mess up? i need your help!
Adalie woke to the sound of rain dripping into metal buckets. The roof of her house had many missing shingles and when it rained it often leaked. It didn’t help that her house was on the edge of a rather dismal lake, which seemed to make it rain heavier there than anywhere else. The dripping of the rain was pleasant and although her nose was cold, the rest of her was warm and toasty under her heavy quilt, and she wished she could sleep just a little bit longer. Sighing, she kicked off her covers and ran to empty the buckets. There were chores to be done, and on top of that she didn’t want her bedroom to flood and give her more work to do. She pulled on her heavy galoshes, threw on her raincoat and went to milk Nanny. It was cold outside and windy. The fog rolling around the lake enveloped her house and made it hard to see. Adalie ran into the lean-to and slammed the door.
“We really should make an entrance from the house,” thought Adalie as she grabbed a handful of alfalfa. “M-e-e-e-h,” Adalie bleated. The snowy white goat trotted to her outstretched palm and started crunching. Adalie pulled up her stool and bucket and milked her. Then she raked the floor and added clean wheat straw. She checked the chicken coop for eggs and found three which she promptly stuck into her pockets. She patted the goat, picked up the milk bucket and headed back to the house.
“How many eggs did you get?” asked her father as she came into the house.
“Three, one for each of us,” she replied.
Her father was a tall man. He had a shock of black hair over a weathered and stern face, his voice was gruff, and his eyes sad but he treated his girls very kindly. Everyday he tended the neighbors many goats. Once he had had as many, maybe even more, but much time has passed since then and now he only owns the one she goat. That goat gave them milk and cheese. Their few hens provided breakfast. “Perhaps I should buy another hen,” he suggested.
“We cant afford it,” replied Kader. “Besides, 3 eggs is plenty enough for us.”
Her sister, Kader was already 16, five whole years older than she was. Kader was tall and beautiful in a way that Adalie was not. Where Adalie was tall and thin, Kader was voluptuous. She had a full bosom and her back had the loveliest arch. Her hair was the color of warm honey and not the drab dark color the rest of the family had. Since their mother passed away it was she who ran the house. She alone made sure the house was clean, that there was food to eat, and that Adalie behaved. Already the floors were swept, the stove blazing hot and water heating up for the midday stew. Coffee was already steaming in three mugs. Now she took the eggs away from Adalie and proceeded to cook them. Kader scrambled them up with the rich goat milk and added cheese and chunks of onion and peppers. She divided it among the 3 of them giving their father the bigger portion. Along with the eggs they each had a hunk of bread, that although a little stale, was just fine toasted a bit and dunked in the dark sweet coffee.