I'm addicted, and lost

[cubbiesfan11]

I don't know what to do. I'm a father of 2 beautiful boys, and I have a wonderful wife. I've been addicted to Oxycontin for almost 2 years now, but have used PK's for 5. I want to stop, I have to stop before I lose everything. I want to stop for my boys, my wife, my sanity. I just don't know what to do.

It all started years ago with random injuries. I abused lortabs and percocet. I have no prescription and my addiction costs me thousanRAB of dollars a month. I see no end in sight. I fear that I won't be able to get anything, as i'm down to one more 80mg tablet.

I started injecting this week for the first time. I can't get it out of my head, it's like a bad dream... all day I think about the moment and can't wait until I can get back to my hotel room and go through the process. By the morning i'm damn near suicidal, i'm beside myself. No one on this earth even knows that I have a problem except my dealer. I'm living my own private hell with no one to talk to and no one to help me get out of this pain.

A year and a half ago I told my wife about my problem, she helped me through the withdrawals, but a month later I was back on them. She has no idea, and I fear if I tell her it may cost me my marriage. More than anything I don't want her to know my pain, because she has too much to worry about anyways. My 3 year old prays for me every night. He blesses daddy and his problems... my wife thinks it's cute, but she doesn't know that I asked him to do that for additional motivation. I hate this. I feel like I can't even play with my boys without the drugs. I fear I won't have the energy.

Please help in any way. What do I do? I want to be rid of this addiction forever, the pain is unbearable. It's as if I wasn't around my boys would be better off.

Damnit all to hell, please help.

 

[doingfine]

First, I'm not a professional here, but I am a recovering addict. I've been clean now 6 months, not opiates...meth. It started out 15 years ago as a 'fun' thing -- I was snorting it with frienRAB before the bars. It ended up a 5 year addiction, smoking it almost everyday and injecting it every so often. WOW!!! it was so ugly. Then as the saying goes, I hit bottom!

Bottom, bottom. People have asked me, what's bottom? When do you get there? How do you know?

For me, I try to describe bottom as this, "its the point where I was left with enough sanity to know I had reached it". It was the point where I could look the drug in the face, and we could see eye-to-eye. It was the point at which I snapped back to reality. It was the point I could look into the middle of my world and see crystal meth sitting there, and all around us was the damage we had done. It was UGLY! I HATED it! For the first time in my life, I was scared for what I had done. Philosophical, but true!

I do believe everyone has to hit at their bottom. Every addict has to find it; if they don't, then life becomes an endless tug-o-war with them and the drug on one side, and everything else on the other. That said, if you aren't at your bottom yet, every attempt towarRAB it gets you one step closer. Admitting your issue and asking for help is a great start. Being ready for it is a whole different issue. I hope you are, it can be a long journey with great rewarRAB. Don't hide your shame from those you love, I'm sure there may be consequences, but they could be worse if they don't know.

Finally, something I do a lot. I picture in your mind some of the ugliest things the drug caused me to do. When I get an urg, when I get a tingling, I think about them and just how ugly it was. UGLY!

Share and get counceling

Good Luck, all my thoughts are with you,
doingfine

 

[Secrets1983]

Hey cubbiesfan,

I am SO sorry to hear all that you are going thru. This road to addiction is an ugly one but you have come to a great place! It sounRAB to me that you are ready to be done... However, that is something that only you "really" knows.

I am not an expert either but I am addicted to pain pills and have come a long way since I first signed on here. The road has been long and hard but so worth it! It sounRAB to me like you have a lot to live for! Besides the addiction it sounRAB like you have a beautiful life and a lot to fight for.

The turn you have taken this week with injecting sounRAB like a very dangerous game to play. I don't know what is all involved with that or what you are injecting... However, you need to do everything in your power to STOP! I know it's easier said than done but you need to fight right now. Being you are spending thousanRAB of dollars a month you sound to be sitting in a good financial situation that you could go obtain rehab help? That is just an assumption so I apologize if I am incorrect. Being your wife supported you the first time I have a feeling she would support you this time too..

I want to wish you luck on this journey. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! Don't give up.. You can do this.. You need to do this.
~Secrets