Introspective
New member
Honest opinions, Please? 
This story is from a couple of my other questions, but edited. Thanks!
SAMPLE 1
The rain fell endlessly, pattering softly onto the damp earth. Thunder echoed faintly in the background, barely covering the sound of her footsteps. She padded through the mud into her secret part of the world. She loved it there, in her tiny escape from reality. It was a place of such natural beauty that she would not bring herself to whisper its whereabouts to anyone. Not even her most cherished friends knew of it.
As she stepped along the little path of earth made by herself, she revelled in the world around her. Plants and flowers bloomed and flourished under the rain, like a young girl at her lovers touch. Tree branches swayed eagerly, so that their leafs reached out to her, caressing her skin. She heard their whispered Hello’s through the rain, and said hers back. The girl smiled. She was home.
SAMPLE 2
She spun gracefully through the trees. Her dress, coloured in the softest of greens, twirled about her alluringly, yet it never caught on the nearby briars. The rain made the rocks wet and slippery, though she never so much lost her footing on them. The girl skipped across the boulders, light as a feather over the river and without a care in the world. The sound of the rain colliding with the river made a natural, beautiful kind of music. The kind of music she loved to dance to. And when she danced, she was the very embodiment of desire. The spin of her spindly legs, the slight toss of her fiery red tresses, the flick of her wrist that sent her soaked dress around her in a movement so exotic it would have tempted a saint. Her cheeks flushed the lightest pink with the effort, her breath coming in short, quick gasps as she strained to keep up with her imaginary beat. The rain made her skin glisten lasciviously.
SAMPLE 3
She walked nimbly through the trees, over the stones. Never once did she crush a single flower under her bare feet. And when she stood before him, drenched and angelic, he didn’t move. He didn’t try to hurt her. Not even when she reached up to the mask of his uniform, lifting it off his face with all the tenderness of a lover. The two, standing so close that if anyone were to have seen them, and they’d think for sure they were kissing, smiled at each other. Water droplets fell down each other’s faces. It was the first time he let himself love. It was the first time she had let a man into her circle, her escape, her life.
This story is from a couple of my other questions, but edited. Thanks! SAMPLE 1
The rain fell endlessly, pattering softly onto the damp earth. Thunder echoed faintly in the background, barely covering the sound of her footsteps. She padded through the mud into her secret part of the world. She loved it there, in her tiny escape from reality. It was a place of such natural beauty that she would not bring herself to whisper its whereabouts to anyone. Not even her most cherished friends knew of it.
As she stepped along the little path of earth made by herself, she revelled in the world around her. Plants and flowers bloomed and flourished under the rain, like a young girl at her lovers touch. Tree branches swayed eagerly, so that their leafs reached out to her, caressing her skin. She heard their whispered Hello’s through the rain, and said hers back. The girl smiled. She was home.
SAMPLE 2
She spun gracefully through the trees. Her dress, coloured in the softest of greens, twirled about her alluringly, yet it never caught on the nearby briars. The rain made the rocks wet and slippery, though she never so much lost her footing on them. The girl skipped across the boulders, light as a feather over the river and without a care in the world. The sound of the rain colliding with the river made a natural, beautiful kind of music. The kind of music she loved to dance to. And when she danced, she was the very embodiment of desire. The spin of her spindly legs, the slight toss of her fiery red tresses, the flick of her wrist that sent her soaked dress around her in a movement so exotic it would have tempted a saint. Her cheeks flushed the lightest pink with the effort, her breath coming in short, quick gasps as she strained to keep up with her imaginary beat. The rain made her skin glisten lasciviously.
SAMPLE 3
She walked nimbly through the trees, over the stones. Never once did she crush a single flower under her bare feet. And when she stood before him, drenched and angelic, he didn’t move. He didn’t try to hurt her. Not even when she reached up to the mask of his uniform, lifting it off his face with all the tenderness of a lover. The two, standing so close that if anyone were to have seen them, and they’d think for sure they were kissing, smiled at each other. Water droplets fell down each other’s faces. It was the first time he let himself love. It was the first time she had let a man into her circle, her escape, her life.