Ok so there's this girl I love. I am a lesbian and she is my friend and I feel she always leads me on and we have many up and downs because of it. It is almost torture for me to see her with someone else and she knows I love her yet she wants to keep me close. She said to me that what we have is something no one else will ever have and always crawls back when we have a fight telling me she needs me and misses me so much.
At first in our friendship she was leading me on which confused me and even considered being with me until I started getting pissed off as to why she wouldn't leave her boyfriend when she kept saying she would and really screwed with my emotions.
We have just got in contact again but I am finding myself weak to her again and cannot shutdown these feelings. I know she lies when she says she has noone as she is a known liar. She tells me what I want to hear so I won't get pissed when I would rather know the truth which would help me get over her. She obviously loves the fact im into her as why would she keep coming back.
She keeps telling me she never wants to lose this friendship and even calls me a best friend but she never puts me before a guy she is seeing and it's like I am emotional backup. I am sick of feeling like this! I find when she is out of my life I don't stop thinking about her but atleast I don't have to know what she is up to or care. Everytime I try to make a break she will write to me all sooky telling me what I want to hear and I will think something has changed but she knows just how to rope me in.
I decided I am going to lay it all out and tell her I cannot just be happy for her as a friend and it hurts me too much because I know soon in the future she will find someone to share adventures with and make her happy and I won't be happy for her because I would want to be the one to make her happy. I am going to say sorry I can't put my feelings aside but they will never chance and that if she is looking for a friend or a best friend she deserves one that will be happy for her and be satisfied with the friendship she offers. I will say it's not good for either of us and brings out a bad side of me and that I wish things were different. She should understand this. If she keeps fighting for me she must be selfish or crazy. It is that strong that it affects my ability to move forward.
At first in our friendship she was leading me on which confused me and even considered being with me until I started getting pissed off as to why she wouldn't leave her boyfriend when she kept saying she would and really screwed with my emotions.
We have just got in contact again but I am finding myself weak to her again and cannot shutdown these feelings. I know she lies when she says she has noone as she is a known liar. She tells me what I want to hear so I won't get pissed when I would rather know the truth which would help me get over her. She obviously loves the fact im into her as why would she keep coming back.
She keeps telling me she never wants to lose this friendship and even calls me a best friend but she never puts me before a guy she is seeing and it's like I am emotional backup. I am sick of feeling like this! I find when she is out of my life I don't stop thinking about her but atleast I don't have to know what she is up to or care. Everytime I try to make a break she will write to me all sooky telling me what I want to hear and I will think something has changed but she knows just how to rope me in.
I decided I am going to lay it all out and tell her I cannot just be happy for her as a friend and it hurts me too much because I know soon in the future she will find someone to share adventures with and make her happy and I won't be happy for her because I would want to be the one to make her happy. I am going to say sorry I can't put my feelings aside but they will never chance and that if she is looking for a friend or a best friend she deserves one that will be happy for her and be satisfied with the friendship she offers. I will say it's not good for either of us and brings out a bad side of me and that I wish things were different. She should understand this. If she keeps fighting for me she must be selfish or crazy. It is that strong that it affects my ability to move forward.