i wrote another poem... please give your opinion?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kristoffer W
  • Start date Start date
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Kristoffer W

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the feeling of love
can be ever so sweet like a dove
but when that dove dies
every thing falls to the ground and lies
extremely stiff and still
so they give you a pill
surrounded by darkness
your heart full of nothingness
sick and tired
sad and undesired
life goes by
and love says goodbye
so lets save that dove
and keep the feeling of love


what you think wrote that in exactly 7 minutes
uhhh please i really wanna hear any critiques
also if you could help me give a good name for it that would be great
 
Are doves sweet? I know the symbol of love doves is supposed to be love everlasting, but does, to me, fly in the air and drop their unwanted stuff on unsuspecting people down below. By using dove, you have forced the rhyme and lost the meter.

the feeling of love
can be ever so sweet
like a dove <-- delete

then you have to change the balance of the poem to the emotions of love rather than a dead bird.

You have a start, but no defined direction. t

I'll look for more works by you, hope you will do the same for mine.
 
Well, it's all, "let's stay in love because if we didn't I would feel bad" I'm not sure if it's the deepest message I have ever heard... sorry just saying...
 
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