I wrote a poem for a girl..opinions?

C

clmtigers1

New member
I wrote a poem/song for my ex gf who i still like. I want some feedback. This is a shorter version and work still in progress. Thanks.
The first time I saw you
I said to myself you're beautiful
I asked myself if you were an angel
cause you're really really beautiful

And this one day
I came to your house and I said
something that you never heard
its that I love you love you love you
like no one else before

I moved closer
I can hear you breathing
You like what you're hearing
I move closer and we are kissing
The wind is howling
The mountains are crumbling
But I can't hear nothing
cause I love you love you love you like no one else before
i love you love you love you like no one else before
i love you love you love you like no one else before
And I always will
I'm sorry but thats like the title.."I love you like no one else before"
 
It to repetitious and long. Plus it's your ex chill with the love you's it might scare her away. Try something along these lines. My heart skips a beat every time she's near, with just a single touch she wiped away my fears, blah blah blah you get the point. Let her know how you feel and make her feel special without creeping her out.
 
I am certain of your sincerity but frankly the poem is a little bit dramatic and I doubt that it will be received in the way you give it. Girls can be mean sometimes and she might just read it to all her friends and they get a laugh, unless you know for sure that her feelings are equal to yours.I suggest:
Try to simply talk with her and find out what she is feeling before you chance a lover poem.
 
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