°o.OT.a.m.a.r.aO.o°
New member
I need help, please? I've always been one of those people that has always been so sure in herself. But not anymore. I feel as though my life has been torn into pieces. I rolled my week old car in a back alley by being an idiot just a little over a month ago. It took me so long for my parents to give me that freedom and to give in and they actually bought me a car! Best day of my life and it didn't last long at all. I hate myself for this mistake. I screwed up my life majorly and the worse part is my gut was telling me the whole time not to, but I did because of peer pressure. I learned a lot of lessons that night, but I'm still so disappointed in myself. I now don't have the same drive to go to school, or to do anything anymore. My daily routine when I had a car was so simple. I got to drive to school, leave for my spare, drive back before class, drive home, to and from work. Like it just wasn't so time consuming. Now, in Grade 12 I've missed an unbelievable amount of school. And I'm scared of being yelled at because I've been so bad at it. Truthfully, I feel depressed. I don't know what I want out of my life anymore. Driving was my passion and my way of just enjoying my independence and it was such a stress free lifestyle. My dad trusted me, something that a daughter always looking for acceptance wants. And the one thing that he told me not to do, I went and did. I miss my car so much. It was perfect for me and I loved it so much. I hate myself. I just want to give up on myself. And the worse thing is that I don't have anyone to talk to. I feel alone and like I messed up badly. I know I can't change the past, but I feel like this was the worst possible way to start my Grade 12 year, and now I just don't care anymore. I have to leave a half an hour earlier in the morning then I would with a car, I have to ride the bus, my insurance is now through the roof, I got demerits, my parents insurance went up, my cars gone, I work every single day it seems (get off the bus, walk there, work 4 - 7:30, walk home, too tired for homework) and then weekend on Saturday and Sunday I wake up and walk to work and am there from 10:30 - 7. I need the money, and it's a good just, but it's more workload added to me. And it's all going towards paying for unnecessary debt of an accident I'm in denial with. I have to stay at school for my spare and lunch, when I normally got to go home, and I never really eat. I've lost my appetite, my sleep schedules a mess, I haven't done anything in school really (and this is the important year!) This isn't me! I don't want to ruin my life anymore then I already have, and especially because of it. Someone please give me some help. I'm so stressed out. I don't know what I want to be when I'm older, I just don't feel smart enough, etc. And I've just really lost hope. Does anyone have any words of encouragement or wisdom? Anything? Anyone else crash a car?