elizabeth bennet
New member
I was always scared of my father when i was little. He wasnt around a lot and when he was he had anger problems and could get violent. when he was around i was always virtually silent, because that was the way to be keep out of any trouble. And I was always so nervous around him. And not just him. Apparently in infant school i was virtually mute. And in primary school i had a male teacher, who i remember wanting to like, because he was really nice, but i was too scared to like him. Then my dad left when i was 11. Just after we left, we went to stay with our cousins for a while and one of my cousins boyfriend was staying there too. he was a really friendly nice guy, who i liked, but still i was terrified of him. I remember i was hiding away in the ironing room, reading, and he came in and was trying to talk to me, and i was literally trying so hard not to burst into tears. I was nearly 12. I havent seen my dad since i was 13, and im now nearly 19. when i got to about 15, i started to make a conscious effort to be 'normal' around men. I am a lot better now. but i still feel nervous. its so stupid and i feel really crap about it. like i can never be normal with a man. its like i have to make this big effort to speak and seem relaxed, but im just not inside. and it makes me come across as quite dull and boring, because i cant seem to make myself open up and really be myself, except with a very few men. and this isnt in an "oh i fancy him" sense. i mean even with relations, like my uncles, and older male cousins. how can i get over this? i want to be normal about this. thankyou anyone who helps me.