M
Mr. Perfect
Guest
For a while now I have contemplated the futility of human existence and have deemed it probable to assume that true salvation lies only once the shackles of existence are broken.What exists one day ceases to exist the next, the joy experienced at one moment dissolving into sorrow the next. And in the end everything and everyone is washed away in the passage of time. Such is the greatness of this world. But to me this greatness is oppressive, pondering on it only revealing to me how insignificant a figure I am, we all are, in the vast passage of time. This realization evokes a strange feeling in me, the significance of which I am unable to exemplify in words. Human emotion is another perplexity of existence that I am unable to comprehend, the emotion of “happiness” being foremost. This world is composed of only the suffering of those ensnarled by the chains of life since the advent of Man himself, and full of vice and treachery. How then, can happiness find a place in such a world? Happiness is shallow, it is a selfish emotion focused only on the self, while neglecting to regard the magnitude of sorrow and suffering around oneself and empathize. Indeed, those optimists who claim to be “happy” are only consumed in their own self centered and trivial conception of life, which they weld based only on their own insignificant experiences without considering the atrocities and debaucheries enacted by this depraved world upon the humble shoulders of Mankind as a whole. For me, the end of my childhood innocence and the advent of more rational thought marked the exodus of happiness. Since then I have never truly felt the emotion, and any semblance to it that I produced was merely an enactment to fit into this narrow-minded society of hypocrites which I now wish to leave. It is henceforth apt that I regard these optimists with great disdain. For me, anger is the only true emotion I have ever understood and can empathize with. As for the rest of these emotions, I have merely tried to replicate them by watching others. All I truly feel right now is a shallow emptiness and exhaustion. For awhile now I have begun feeling detached from this world, even viewing myself in third person as a monotonous being engaging in the same tasks day after day. It’s almost as if I am viewing other people laughing and enjoying the day to day course of life from a glass window, but try as I might I cannot penetrate this window and truly experience life and emotions as they are. This frustration for me has evoked feelings of anger and depression, and these persisting feelings have led me to lose faith in the course of existence, while sapping me of all my energy and leaving me in a disillusioned state. This society of hypocrites will never truly comprehend my views, seeing them as only a rant. But they are shallow and ignorant, and never can understand the maturity of my thought, and my more rational perspective of this world. Even in my immediate life nobody has ever truly understood me as I have taken great care not to reveal my inner thoughts and complexities to anyone, for fear of alarming them. My personality itself is too complex for me to even explain in words, and for my own ease I always adapted myself to whomever I was with, whether friend or adult. Great indeed are the pains I have taken to fit into this society of shallow and narrow-minded hypocrites. But I have now grown sick of society, and I am tired of continuing to "blend into" what other people consider "normal". I am just tired of life and do not see any reason to live. Are there any people here that have felt what I felt before or that just have any advice for me at all?
I know that this is long, so I thoroughly appreciate and am very grateful to whoever takes the time and reads all of this. I am just tired of putting on a smile for the rest of the world while I am really feeling so lonely and detached in the real world. But just to clarify with whoever reads this,
1. I am not emo/disturbed and am not planning to kill myself; I am just feeling disillusioned.
2. I have had a great life, and have a loving family and am a straight A student in school so don't put abuse as a factor of this.
3. I have a large group of friends and a social life so don't say that I have these thoughts because I am a loner either. If you actually saw me with my friends in real life then you would just think of me as another shallow and happy teen.
I look forward to reading your answers, so thank you for taking the time to do so for whoever that answers this question.
Take care
I know that this is long, so I thoroughly appreciate and am very grateful to whoever takes the time and reads all of this. I am just tired of putting on a smile for the rest of the world while I am really feeling so lonely and detached in the real world. But just to clarify with whoever reads this,
1. I am not emo/disturbed and am not planning to kill myself; I am just feeling disillusioned.
2. I have had a great life, and have a loving family and am a straight A student in school so don't put abuse as a factor of this.
3. I have a large group of friends and a social life so don't say that I have these thoughts because I am a loner either. If you actually saw me with my friends in real life then you would just think of me as another shallow and happy teen.
I look forward to reading your answers, so thank you for taking the time to do so for whoever that answers this question.
Take care