G
^^ Got Answers?
Guest
Hi. Well I was making a story and needed to think what the audience thinks. Please be honest and tell me how I can even improve my story. Kay, thanks! 
I still don't have a title for it. THATS one of the things
I need help on
I zoomed up from my bed and started breathing heavily. Everything was a blur. I couldn't see anything. As I blinked a couple of times, everything was shaping out. I turned to my window as soon as my vision was a hundred percent and I just stared at it. A sigh let out of me, and I slowly started making my way towards the window. It was foggy, but it was drizzling. I stared at the streets and puddles were splashing in between cars coming and going. Crookedly smiling, I turned around. Another day another story to be wrote. Just when I turned around, a paled faced boy stared at me. Brown surferish hair, green eyes, right-shaped body. He smiled at me. I fell back on the window, and felt the cold glass hit my body.
My head hit the glass so hard, I fell to the floor. I tried to get up, but my body wouldn't even budge. Scrambling on the floor, I looked up. His face was centimeters from mine. I looked into his eyes, and as last time, my body froze completely. I smelled that same cologne. It smelled delicious, like candy, and I don't know why but I felt like eating him. You see, I've met him before. And everytime I have, I couldn't move. It's like he wanted me to stay still, so he could walk around me, see me. Except, -in my dreams, I actually talk to him. Well, -he talks to me. I don't say anything but he knows my problems. And just when I want to speak my alarm clock starts. Settling my mind on him, focusing and studying his face, -his eyes, I tried to get up again. This time he stuck his hand out. I touched it. It felt natural. Like a normal person's body. "Lizzie." he said. That same dark, mysterious voice spoke. Alarmed I jumped. He placed his hands on my shoulder and repeated. "Lizzie." This time I didn't jump. I couldn't help but smile. My weird crooked smile. It was embarrassing so that's why I barely even spoke. He let go of my shoulders, and I felt a breeze wipe me against my window. It threw me into it, and I hit my head again. But harder. I fell to the ground again, but this time, I couldn't even feel anything to even try to get up. His eyebrows raised. I took one last look at him, knowing he was going to leave. I could hear my mom coming down the hall with footsteps behind her. He walked slowly into the closet. Gasping for air, I tried picking up my arms. I screamed. But no sound came out. I could feel blood coming to me. I felt it all. Everything felt so shallow, and my vision became blur. My head pressed even more down to the floor, and I lost my breath.
Please answer this:
1.)Should I do part two?
2.)What should the title be?
3.)Did you like it?
4.)What didn't you like?
5.) What did you like?
6.) Any comments?
HELP!
I still don't have a title for it. THATS one of the things
I need help on
I zoomed up from my bed and started breathing heavily. Everything was a blur. I couldn't see anything. As I blinked a couple of times, everything was shaping out. I turned to my window as soon as my vision was a hundred percent and I just stared at it. A sigh let out of me, and I slowly started making my way towards the window. It was foggy, but it was drizzling. I stared at the streets and puddles were splashing in between cars coming and going. Crookedly smiling, I turned around. Another day another story to be wrote. Just when I turned around, a paled faced boy stared at me. Brown surferish hair, green eyes, right-shaped body. He smiled at me. I fell back on the window, and felt the cold glass hit my body.
My head hit the glass so hard, I fell to the floor. I tried to get up, but my body wouldn't even budge. Scrambling on the floor, I looked up. His face was centimeters from mine. I looked into his eyes, and as last time, my body froze completely. I smelled that same cologne. It smelled delicious, like candy, and I don't know why but I felt like eating him. You see, I've met him before. And everytime I have, I couldn't move. It's like he wanted me to stay still, so he could walk around me, see me. Except, -in my dreams, I actually talk to him. Well, -he talks to me. I don't say anything but he knows my problems. And just when I want to speak my alarm clock starts. Settling my mind on him, focusing and studying his face, -his eyes, I tried to get up again. This time he stuck his hand out. I touched it. It felt natural. Like a normal person's body. "Lizzie." he said. That same dark, mysterious voice spoke. Alarmed I jumped. He placed his hands on my shoulder and repeated. "Lizzie." This time I didn't jump. I couldn't help but smile. My weird crooked smile. It was embarrassing so that's why I barely even spoke. He let go of my shoulders, and I felt a breeze wipe me against my window. It threw me into it, and I hit my head again. But harder. I fell to the ground again, but this time, I couldn't even feel anything to even try to get up. His eyebrows raised. I took one last look at him, knowing he was going to leave. I could hear my mom coming down the hall with footsteps behind her. He walked slowly into the closet. Gasping for air, I tried picking up my arms. I screamed. But no sound came out. I could feel blood coming to me. I felt it all. Everything felt so shallow, and my vision became blur. My head pressed even more down to the floor, and I lost my breath.
Please answer this:
1.)Should I do part two?
2.)What should the title be?
3.)Did you like it?
4.)What didn't you like?
5.) What did you like?
6.) Any comments?
HELP!