I need some ice-breaker / one-liner jokes!!!?

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Eric

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Hello everyone!
my name is eric, and i first of all need some good icebreakers, and by this i mean, for example
-"how much does a polar bear weight?" ... "enough to break the ice" ... "hello my name is eric"

i need some more like this, if anyone knows any.

In addition, i am giving a speech about motivation, i am 16, and i talk about it with a group from my school. But heres the problem, the girl that goes before me is absolutely the most boring person ever, so what i was thinking was to spice my speech up with some one liners to wake the audience up. If you all could just write some down here, i mean good ones, not stupid ones that would be great... and purhaps relate them to motivation if possible thanks!
 
Considering your the way you responded to the person before me. I come to the conclusion that you're THE worst crowd in the history of civilization.
just kidding. But now that i have your attention. .
 
How hot do you think you are? Enough to melt the ice, hi my name is Eric...

Motivation is equal to Motive + Information. So i'd like to INFORM you that (the girl before you's) MOTIVE was to bore you all to death... So I guess that was MOTIVE-ATION...lmao

Sorry if I wasn't help but the worst that could happen is that I get my 2 points...
 
Its not really an opener but I thought it was funny. "Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package."
 
I'm going to give you a GREAT speech opener for that situation, and you give me points and stars :)
'Brains are marvelous things.... They start functioning before birth and don't stop until you get up to make a speech. (pause) Sometimes they need motivating, and that's what I'll be discussing"
 
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors??

Cause if it had 4, it would be a chicken sedan!!

haha, idk how that relates tho, lol
 
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