I need psychological evaluation.?

[Jim]

I'm a 15 year old boy who went through extreme depression when I was 12-13. I was institutionalized for suicide watch for about a week.The whole time there I was mentally/emotionally abused. The staff de-humanized me, and they made me hate every single aspect about life. I could see how awful people are. Months after these events I had a girlfriend whom I was only attracted too the first 3 months of our relationship because she was just like me. (depressed and an insomniac or so she says) After she got better I felt so alienated to her. I said I loved ever many times but I really meant nothing. Hooking up was the only satisfactory feel I got from her. I ended the "relationship" recently because I was being suffocated by her questions on how I felt of her emotionally. I have what you call friends but I have no connection with them other than fitting in with them. I wear thousands of masks every day and I really don't know who I am. I don't "love" my parents, but they have never given me reason not to. It's not angst or anything. I don't understand people and I do not have connections with anyone in my life except for my sister. She's the only person I feel somethings towards. I'm a cynical asshole who is angry and contempt. I have an extreme social anxiety problem so Im not completely empty inside but I'm very good at faking positive emotions. I may be borderline psychopathic, but then again I think something is wrong with me and I don't seek out to hurt people, nor do I have a power problem. I don't feel sorry for myself so I know not depressed. I'm just...That's the thing, I don't know what word to use because I can't express it. Not a day goes by where I don't have flashbacks of the hospital I was at. Not to sound dramatic, I left changed, that I know. I was weak psychologically already in that time of vulnerability. I need feedback. I want something to call this.