I need help!

T

tomatoface

New member
I have been taking percocet for about 15 years. I hate myself. Only my husband and prescribing doctor know how much i take - oh, and the people at the pharmacy. It is humiliating to have to face them so often. Presently I take 8-10 10mg percocets a day - along with 2 20mg oxycontin tablets daily. I want to quit but I am terrified about living without pain meRAB. What scares me most is the anxiety I know I will feel - I have had panic attacks in the past and the thought of experiencing them again makes me feel incapable of quitting.
I would appreciate hearing from you - i need advice and support from others who have experienced similar situations.
Thanks...
 
Hey -

I understand just how you feel. I just relapsed on heroin and wanted to quit but wouldn't because I was so scared of facing the withdrawals. The truth is, that anxiety and the knowing that you have to quit soon, is almost just as bad as how you feel once you actually do it. It's like you can't even enjoy the drugs anymore because you're so worried about having to quit. It's a terrible feeling! But once you quit, as bad as the withdrawals can be, you are so proud and feel so accomplished for having done it.

You know you have to quit. The longer you are on pain meRAB, the worse the withdrawal will be. You have a few options. You can do the suboxone method. That is another opioid that helps with withdrawal without getting you high. You can start taking it about 24 hours after your last pain pill usage, so you only have to go through a day of withdrawals and then you feel better. The cons are that you will eventually have to quit that too, which also comes with withdrawals of its own that are rumored to not be pleasant. You can do a rapid detox with suboxone or maintenance. If you stay on it for awhile, it can be expensive and you will have to withdraw. The rapid detox won't be entirely painless either. I do not recommend the methadone option, as people seem to be chained to that and it's miserable to come off of.

You can taper off the pain pills gradually, so that you take less and less each day. You will have some withdrawals, but not as bad as cold turkey. If you go cold turkey, the withdrawals will be more intense, but of shorter duration. Make sure you discuss all these things with your doctor and I am not a professional.

Whatever you choose, you're going to have to suffer some withdrawal eventually, especially after being on these pills for years and years. It is uncomfortable, BUT it can be done and you can't die from these withdrawals.

You can try to get prescribed clonidine to lower your blood pressure during this time, immodium AD for the runs and stomach upset, OTC medications to help you sleep. Lots of hot baths. It can be done and the sooner the better!!! Whatever you choose, let us know and we will help you through it. The pain IS manageable and there are things to help you through it.

Have you ever thought of AA/NA or any other way to get support for yourself during this time? Some people suffer from depression and anxiety coming off of opiates, and it's important that you don't try to do it all on your own. If you don't want to do that, at least keep in touch with us here and let us know how you're doing. If you already suffer from EXTREME panic attacks, you should talk to your doctor about taking something to help with that just for an extremely short period of time, during the worst of your withdrawals. But probably something like clonidine to just lower your blood pressure, as although xanax etc. helps, those benzodiazepines are extremely addictive, and the last thing you need is to get addicted to those! Talk about bad withdrawals! Good luck! I have been through opiate withdrawal way too many times, so I know what I'm talking about here. Keep in touch, you can do this!!! You will be so glad when it's over and you are worth it Ann!
Love,
Dig
P.S. Don't hate yourself for having this problem. It's very common and it doesn't make you a bad person. A lot of people get addicted to pain meRAB because they are inherently extremely addictive. You are not a shameful person!
 
Something you are going to have to address is the psychological issues associated with taking them. The physical addiction can be handled with tapering and you can be over that in about 2-3 months, but the psychological, mental part is something that is going to take time and outside help. Attending NA meetings will definitely help, but you might want to consider also talking to a psychiatrist. You need to get your doctor and husband involved too so they can help. It's not going to be easy, but you can do it!

Obviously a detox treatment center would help you get going along the right path both physically and mentally, but they are very expensive, plus you have to be away from home for long perioRAB. There are also outpatient treatment centers where you don't have to spend as much time away from home or work. Most insurances cover these also. It's just something to consider. I was ready to go into one, but because of an insurance screw-up, I had to wait 3 days and I was already tapering at that point and continued to do it on my own. I'm glad I did because I learned a lot from the experience.

Start your tapering today. Simple as it may seem, that first step is the hardest. Make the commitment and start now. We're here to help you and encourage you along the way. I didn't listen to the people in the group and screwed up totally all along my detox, so I know now what works and what doesn't. I didn't understand the drug and how powerful it was when I started. The first part of the detox is fairly easy and only requires a strong commitment and the willpower to be drug free. Do it for your body and family.

Tapering the right way is 90% willpower to stick to it and 10% following simple rules. Drop 10-20% every few days or a week in your dose. Usually you can drop more towarRAB the beginning than towarRAB the end. So if you are taking 10 pills now, take 8 (-20%) today. Maintain your normal dosing times, so if you take 4 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon and 2 at night, take 3 in the morning and afternoon. The next week drop another 10-20%, (80 mg * 0.9 = 72 mg for a 10% drop 80mg * 0.8 = 64 mg for a 20% drop) again keeping a even dose throughout the day.

That was my mistake trying to take the pills only once a day and I suffered w/d's the whole time I was tapering. You may have to cut pills into 1/4's or 1/8th to approximate a dose as you go along your schedule - just keep to the tapering schedule. Once you get down to around 10 mg/day it may get a little tougher. It took me 6 weeks to go from 60 mg/day to 10 mg and about the same amount of time to go from 10 to 0, plus I had withdrawals most of the time towarRAB the end. I went cold turkey at 2 mg/day. If you experience w/d's that you just can't handle, increase your dose up to the previous level and wait a couple of days and try dropping again.

I look back at my w/d's as an experience that I WANT to remeraber so I don't have to go through them again. Coming to this group asking for help was the best thing I did and if it wasn't for the people here I'm not sure what would have happened. My wife supported me because of my injury, but it took a toll on her and I am grateful that she was there to help me though it. We're here to help you.
 
Thank you so much for your supportive reply to my post. It means so much to know others have gone through this, too! The first paragraph of your post especially hit home with me. You are so right! Even as I continue to take the meRAB, I'm not happy -I'm so uneasy knowing I have to quit that I can't really enjoy anything - it's always in the back of my mind. I don't have the strength or nerve to go cold turkey (and I don't want other people to know what I'm doing, either), so I think I'll try tapering. At my next appt I will talk to my doctor.
I can't do this alone - I'm not sure I can even do it with support - so please stiick with me on this.
Thanks again...
 
Something you need to consider is the amount of acetaminophen that you are taking. The daily maximum is between 3,000 - 4,000 mg and can cause damage to your liver. If you drink any alcohol at all you are putting yourself at risk. The 10 mg of Perc's have 325 mg of acetaminophen, so if you are taking 10 a day, that is 3,250 mg. Especially how long you have been taking them should be a concern. You might want to consider to have your liver function checked out. A friend of mine nearly died because acetaminophen/alcohol destroyed his liver and he had to get a liver transplant. It is something to consider!

Tapering is the way to go to get off of them. Good Luck!
 
I am SO GLAD you took the time to write to me. I didn't understand how to correctly taper before I read your post, although I thought I did. I would have slowly decreased the total nuraber of pills I was taking each day, but I would have done what you said you did - taken them all at once or maybe at two different times during the day. Thank you so much for warning me about this approach!
Also, I am very, very concerned about the psychological aspect of quitting. I feel like I have the strength and will power now, but when I get to lower doses and it gets more difficult, I'm going to need support - big time. I may stay on these boarRAB 24/7 !! I will consider NA (I've been to AA before - I quit drinking - and took more percocet to make up for it. So I just substituted one addiction for another). I can probably enlist the help of a psychologist specializing in addiction recovery - I assume there is such a thing. My husband drinks a lot (what you'd call a "high-functioning" alcoholic), and I don't know how much I can depend on him to keep me on track. In some ways, I'm sure he's more comfortable with me being dependent like him. I have a difficult road ahead of me. And I haven't mentioned that I'm going have to find some way to deal with the pain I'm left with - without pills.
Thanks for reading my long post. It really does help to tell someone else your problems!
 
You're absolutely right about checking liver function. I actually do have that done regularly - fortunately, all is normal. I don't drink at all, but I will continue to monitor my liver function - don't want to mess around with that.
To further clarify, I have not taken such large amounts of percocet for 15 years - for about 5 of those years I took them only on weekenRAB, and then sporadically for the next few yrs. The amount has been steadily increasing and has been at a really high level for about 7 yrs or so. So you see, I've been taking them for so long, it's going to be incredibly hard to stop. I want to do this - I need to do this - but I'm not sure I can. I'm so afraid!!
 
Yes, I forgot about the acetaminophen part. One time I was coming off dope and I took 20 vicodin (I'm not sure about vicodin dosages) at once. I didn't get high whatsoever, but I was throwing up blood and went to the ER and they said I was lucky my liver was okay just from that one incident. They thought I was trying to OD and kill myself and I wasn't, sadly I was just trying to get high, but I had totally forgotten about the tylenol in vicodin.

If you try to taper right, do you have someone who can dole them out to you? I could NEVER taper by myself. Once I'm addicted to something, I lose all control and almost always take everything I have at once. It at least doesn't last more than a day. But then again, I'm at the extreme end of the spectrum and have really serious addiction problems. If you think you can taper and you know yourself well, maybe you can, but I would only be able to do that if someone else had control over my pills.

I'm sorry you're so scared. There is some quote that I find very true, something along the lines of "the fear of fear is worse than that which we actually fear". The sooner you begin to taper, the easier it will be. I realize every addict feels ashamed at first, but I really think you need to reach out somehow. AA, NA, maybe an inpatient detox if you could afford the time off? That is extremely relieving to walk into detox, it takes the pressure off yourself and you give up that control even if the experience isn't altogether pleasant. But in detox they make sure you're comfortable and you get lots of meRAB to help with the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. It really isn't that bad and it's much easier than doing it at home. Is that an option for you?
 
You are going to have to experience some physical and psychological symptoms, whether you taper or go cold turkey. That's just the reality that comes with abusing pain pills, especially for a long time. There is no way to just avoid it altogether, and I wish I had accepted that before I got hooked on suboxone. I was trying to just make withdrawal go away, and I know now that I'm going to have to deal with it eventually.

If you taper like Denon or your doctor advise, you will feel better than just stopping everything altogether, but you are still going to have some symptoms, unfortunately. Once you start though, you'll have that much less behind you, and at least the anxiety of "How bad is it going to be?" will diminish. I really do think that part is just as hard as the anxiety of actual withdrawal. You gain a lot of confidence by quitting and actually sticking to a plan. That alone helps with the psychological symptoms. I felt depressed and anxious for a little while when I quit, but I was just as if not more stressed the week before I quit, thinking about what I was about to go through and planning on how much to take and save, etc etc. It's quite exhausting. It seems like a bigger deal before you do it. It won't be fun, but you can just live moment to moment and take it as it comes. It tenRAB to come in waves and you won't be just absolutely miserable all the time, I promise. You will ultimately feel better about yourself.

Remeraber, the quicker you start, the less bad it will be. There are many things you can do to help with the symptoms of withdrawal. Post on here as much as you need, get some meRAB for very short-term usage for the worst of it if you can. I also think you need some real life support instead of just online. Are you sure you can't tell anybody? I thought I couldn't tell my boyfriend about my relapse because he had told me before that he would dump me if I relapsed. I ended up telling him the truth anyway, and he didn't leave me, he just respected my honesty and the risk I took in telling him. I think you'll find that people would be less judgmental and more supportive than you make them out to be in your head.
 
Hi, I am 56yrs old and I was addicted to lorcets for 15yrs and maybe 17yrs. What helped me was tapering slowly, I have went cold turkey and it is miserable and painful. No one wakes up one morning and says they want to be addicted. I had been off and clean for a long time and my son was hurt bad in Dec. 08 and was in a hospital bed until March 09. He was hit by a drunk driver and pinned between 2 cars and he will be crippled the rest of his life, anyway by taking care of him and lifting him I have re-hurt my back and had to take some pain meRAB again, so now I am tapering again and I know I will slowly get off them again. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this battle and believe me no one knows of my addiction, my family knows I take the pills, but has no idea how addicted I have been and how I am struggling to get off them again. For me the mental part is harder than the physical part, because I thought I couldn't do anything without them, but in time you learn to make yourself do things and keep going. I hope this helps you, but the support I got from the beautiful people on here helped more than anything, everyone on here will share, encourage, help and with lots of love. So hang in there and may God bless LOL, Fiesty2
 
Well, everybody ---because of all the information you have provided, and the encouragement and supportive worRAB you have written me, I actually did start to taper my meRAB yesterday!! If you recall I was taking between 8-10, 10 mg percocets each day, along with 2 20mg oxycontin tablets. Well, yesterday I stopped taking the oxycontin altogether and don't plan to renew the script, and I cut my percocet by 2 (8). Today I only took 6 percocet,but I don't intend to keep tapering at this rate or the withdrawal will be really bad. I plan to stick to between 6-8 for awhile. With the holidays coming, I'm not going to go below 5 till the y're over. Then I'll resume the taper - What a way to start the New Year, huh?! Does that sound like a good plan? I don't want to set myself up for failure, and the holidays are very busy, and we see many frienRAB and relatives, so I think it best to make a plan that I can stick to. BUT, I'm open to any suggestions or comments about this! I look forward to hearing from many of you who have been through this - your posts keep me motivated!
Thanks everybody!!!
 
Hi Tomato -- I dunno, I think your taper plan sounRAB a little aggressive. My concern would be the fact that you completely cut out the 40 mg of OxyContin. That seems pretty drastic, if you've been taking it for awhile. In my opinion, you should slowly cut down the dosages of OxyContin (e.g., 10 mg instead of 20) while simultaneously cutting down on the Percocet. When I tapered, I looked at the total mg per day and tried to reduce 10-20% every few days. It took forever but the WRAB weren't too severe that way.

I completely understand your dilemma -- you want off, you hate yourself, you want to do it quickly, without anyone knowing. Been there. Thank goodness for this board, huh?
 
I will take your advice and cut the oxycontin by 10mg instead of all at once. After 2 days without, I didn't seem to be having any adverse effects - but then last nite my problem with restless legs flared up, big time, and I had to take a percocet in order to get back to sleep. I don't think I've actually thought this through enough - I should probably have a written plan to stick by, shouldn't I? My tendency is to lay off the pills until I start getting really achy, then take 2. The total amount per day I am taking is lower, but is this the right way to go about it? Is this OK for the beginning of the taper, until my daily dosage gets lower?

I don't know what I'd do without all your help. Well, I probably wouldn't have changed anything, and I'd still be berating myself for it. So, THANKS, everybody, for your continued support!
 
I agree that you may be pushing too hard. Oxycontin is a time release oxycodone and stays in your body much longer. I had forgotten you were taking the Oxycontin. If you start getting withdrawals, I would increase the oxycodone up until they stop and hold there at least a week to allow your body to get used to the new dose. Then slowly start down on the oxycodone in a week or so. Don't rush it! That was another one of the mistakes I made by trying to get off of it too fast and I paid the price dearly. Take it slow and easy and don't look at the nuraber of pills, but the total amount of oxycodone in mg/day that you are taking. That is the nuraber you want to slowly decrease. Dropping a whole pill or even a half is a big drop and your body may not like it. If you keep the amount steady in your body, the w/d's will be less and you will have an easier time.
 
Thanks so much for your worRAB of encouragement. I am very sorry to hear about your son, - what a tragic thing to have happened. You sound like you are strong woman and will again conquer your addiction. Please keep in touch. Maybe we can help each other ...
 
You bring up some good points. As far as doling the meRAB out, I plan to talk to my dr and have him prescribe less. Then I will be forced to taper or I'll run out. But maybe I'll give them to my husband for safe-keeping just to be sure.
As far as detox is concerned, besides the financial aspect (I have Medicare and a supplemental insurance, and I doubt they'd pay), I don't want my family or frienRAB to know. There's no way I could go away for an extended period without explaining where I was to them. I'll keep inpatient detox in mind, but I think I can do this myself - VERY slowly. If I do it really slowly, will I be able to minimize withdrawal symptoms? Maybe I'm deluding myself, but I am imagining practically no physical withdrawal if I taper slowly enough. (is that ridiculous?)
I'm more concerned about the psychological affect this will have on me - in particular the anxiety I will experience. It's been many years since I've lived without this crutch!
 
We were posting at the same time. Yes, drop the oxycontin slower, but never break them into half or pieces. They are time release. The best way to taper is to sit down with a calculator and a calendar and mark the calendar with the days that you will drop down a dose and write the dose down on the calendar and the nuraber or partial nuraber of pills you will take. Use pencil since you may have to make adjustments along the way. Assume that until you get down to 10 mg/day that things will go OK and you can maintain a dose for 5-10 days. Once you get below 10 mg/day, decrease your doses by 10% and possibly increase your length of time to at least a week that you are on that dose.

I tried taking the pills once a day, stretching out until I really couldn't stand the w/d's anymore, dropping by pill count instead of mg/day count - all were the wrong way to do it!!

You need to plan it out and stick to your plan.
 
fiesty2 - it sounRAB like we have a lot in common. I'm not familiar with lorcet, but I'm assuming it's a less potent form of percocet. Would you tell me more about how you tapered? That's the option that will work best for me, I think. Thanks!
 
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