I need help with spoiled,greedy and possessive would be in-laws!?

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Tony M

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I'm pulling my hair out!! In a nut shell with what i'm dealing with. My girlfriend's family, (dad,mom,sis,bro) all need,want,depend,demand,expect,rely, and count on my gf to do for,give,help,provide (not exaggerating) everything for them! Her sis(very narcissistic and has no reason to be) 27 yrs old, bro,21 yrs old and mom and dad refuse to let her live her own life and ALWAYS make her feel guilty when my gf does for herself and not for them! They ALL four work but yet they always need/want money or favors from my gf! They use my gf as a maid /servant and the bro/sis treat my gf as if she's their mother! When we go over they're like "what did you bring me"!! They go through her purse and get her credit cards to go buy themselves something! If my gf says anything they get mad at her! HUH!!? For the past 3 yrs i've watched as my gf showers them with gifts for their b-days and X-Mas and in return she gets either NOTHING or a stupid card!! ONE CARD from 4 people!!! I love my girl deeply but i'm affraid our relationship's gonna go down the toilet if she doesn't stop them from this behavior! She's affraid becuz when she tries they literally gang-up on her and, I hate to say, make her cry!! I'm frustrated!! I've tried to talk to them about this but they all tried to gang-up on me but I didn't allow it so they complained to her about me!! Am I wrong for feeling this way??! Any good solid advice from any of you guys will be appreciated and taken into concideration.
 
they are selfish people in this world i wish i could tell you it will get better but it will not
MY in laws are the same way

my hubby stays away from them as mch as possible

maybe that what she needs to start doing

but the one thing is if she does not do something to change it
then it will stay the same
 
Your girlfriend needs to understand that this is not the way to get your family to love you. I have a feeling that they have always made her the caretaker of the family and are loath to let go of the status quo. But she has to break this cycle or she will find herself as the family caretaker for the rest of her life. Only she can do it, you can't do it for her. But you have to get her to see that they are using her and that she doesn't deserve to be used. If that means a major falling out between them for a while, so be it. The very fact that her getting a spine and saying no makes them angry should tell her something. She just needs to pay attention. She focuses so much on them that she doesn't even allow the hurt to take a hold because then she feels she is unworthy of their love. Until she realizes that love can't be bought, they will continue to use her.

Keep telling her, keep giving her moral support, eventually she will wake up. So often families like this manage to spawn that one good soul and then they proceed to try to destroy it. Don't let them destroy her!
 
Dude, you have a serious problem which will not get better with time unless she's willing to set some boundaries. You should google "Toxic Parents" and "Toxic Inlaws" two books written for people in situations like yours. You should also get and read "Boundaries" - she needs to set them with her family and you need to set them with her.

My prediction is that unless you act now and act decisively, sooner or later they'll come between you and her and they'll win.

It sounds truly sick. If she can't make the changes, you need to abandon ship or you'll suffer great heartache later on.

Good luck.
 
You need to talk to a pastor and invite him over to their house while you are there, maybe he will find the time, plus your G.F. should like herself well enough to know that she doesn't need them or their abuse,
people are crazy! bible says a man's [or woman's] enemies are those of his own household, that idiotic saying 'blood thicker than water' is not in scripture. I met one 10 y.o. child who was working a job! frying food in hot heavy greese & selling it while her dad was off drinking, until I complained to the police and it stopped. Another family would gang up on the same daughter every week and not allow her to even attend church while they all went, she had to always stay home cook and wash floors! She was only in her teens but your g.f. sounds old enough to stand up for herself, encourage her to do so,
do not let up--if you care for her be her champion.
 
You are only a doormat if you allow yourself to be one. As long as she continues to let them treat her like garbage - they will do it. It's her family, her choice...
 
wow! sounds like my husband's family. Since you are the man in this relationship, you should stick up for her at all costs even if it means you might lose her. If she chooses to stay and be manipulated, as hard as that is, you need to leave her alone. Just remember that if you marry her, you marry her family too.
 
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