i like poetry- im bad at writing it though , can i have opinions please (:?

[Hiden_romance]

can you please give you're honest opinion of this please. i dont care about an ego or anything, so dont just say stuff to make me feel good . thanks x

-
i can see the pain in your eyes
using that fake smile as a disguise
& i see through it all like transparent glass
don't be afraid to take of that mask

Deep breathe in and hide the anger felt inside
people have no clue whats really going on in your mind
walking the streets with that little act
when you're alone its happiness you lack

You say you're okay , yet i know its a lie
when i confront you , you just deny.
i was once close to you but you pushed me away
and at this distance i think i will stay

i just wish you would be happy like you once used to be
i just with that you could see that im here if you need me
i know im pretty useless most of the time
but is needing help from others such a bad crime ?
i meant to say breath not breathe . sorry !
im 15 so i get a bit hyper so i tend to type fast so make a lot of typos. again, sorry.

 

[Waino]

try this trick

pain in your eyes
smile faking a disguise
transparent
your mask of fear uncovered

so the work is good very good, l just like playing with words and getting rid of as many as possible

 

[Nybor Asbury]

It is actually really good and you can get a good sense of the feelings being portrayed. It is really heartfelt, just a few criticisms though:

1. Line 4 should be "Don't be afraid to take *off* that mask"

2. Line 5 (sentence structure) should be "*Breathe in deep* and hide the anger felt inside"

3. Suggestion for line 7 - "walking the streets with that *carnival* act" I have suggested this, as you earlier mention "mask", and in carnivals, they have big decorated smiling masks where you cannot see the person's face. It shows that they are pretending to be happy when they are not.

Otherwise, it is actually better than you think. Good content, just a little rough round the edges.