i just had a baby 4months ago and i am having a promblem wanting sex.?

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mommytobe

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I also just had a baby 4 months ago , and i feel that same way. I'm in that same boat as you are, i just do it to because i feel bad, cause i know how long it has been. Hes always reminding me oh we only did it once last month. I don't know what to tell you. Hopefully we get better in a few months. Good luck
 
Completely normal. You have higher estrogen levels.. things are dryer, and your drive goes out the window. It's much harder to get in the mood. I think it's just nature's way of saying "hey you just *had* a baby, let's not do *that* again"..lol

Please talk to your husband, let him know this is natural, and that it will really help to set the mood - and he will have to 'work' at getting you in the mood. Have patience, try to be romantic, and be sensitive to one anothers wants and needs, without being demanding. It works both ways. You might have to give more than you want, but he needs to understand that it's not gonna be as frequent as it was before baby.
 
my husband gets upset because i dont want to have sex or if i do i do it just because to pleasure him is that normal wnat can i do i was never like this before.
 
You must be exhausted! 4 month old baby in the house.

Here's the thing. Life at home doesn't really get back to "normal" until the kids start school, and you start to have a little more time to yourself, and once you've started sleeping again.

Your body went through something pretty traumatic, I mean, you had a baby. It's perfectly normal to not be as "sexual" as you were before. What the two of you should do is talk to your doctor, together, about any concerns that you have, and how to overcome any discomforts. Your doctor can back you up on how you feel, and help your husband to understand what you are going through. It's also good to talk about in case you are experiencing the slightest form of baby blues, or PPD.

Also, ask yourself why you're not in the mood. Are you tired? Are you uncomfortable with your post-baby body (like so many of us are)? Is it because the baby is always around?

Have you had any alone time, as a couple, or individually since the arrival of your baby? This can do wonders. For months, I felt like I wasn't even myself, like I was watching from a distance, as my physical body, in a zombie like state, took care of the baby. You two need to reconnect with yourselves as individuals, not just parents, so that you can reconnect with each other.

Congratulations on the birth of your child, and best wishes.
 
You must be exhausted! 4 month old baby in the house.

Here's the thing. Life at home doesn't really get back to "normal" until the kids start school, and you start to have a little more time to yourself, and once you've started sleeping again.

Your body went through something pretty traumatic, I mean, you had a baby. It's perfectly normal to not be as "sexual" as you were before. What the two of you should do is talk to your doctor, together, about any concerns that you have, and how to overcome any discomforts. Your doctor can back you up on how you feel, and help your husband to understand what you are going through. It's also good to talk about in case you are experiencing the slightest form of baby blues, or PPD.

Also, ask yourself why you're not in the mood. Are you tired? Are you uncomfortable with your post-baby body (like so many of us are)? Is it because the baby is always around?

Have you had any alone time, as a couple, or individually since the arrival of your baby? This can do wonders. For months, I felt like I wasn't even myself, like I was watching from a distance, as my physical body, in a zombie like state, took care of the baby. You two need to reconnect with yourselves as individuals, not just parents, so that you can reconnect with each other.

Congratulations on the birth of your child, and best wishes.
 
I went through that too. A lot of things change after you have a baby. Your body is still getting back to normal, you have baby on the brain, your rest is interrupted and your time is not your own! Your husband will just have to be patient with you until you can get used to life with kids! I promise, you will find a way to balance things and you can both enjoy sex again.
 
Your body has been through so much. Trust me, it's completely normal and you'll more than likely return to your original libido. It just takes time. New moms are usually stressed and sleep deprived which kills the libido. I'm sorry that your husband isn't being very understanding.
 
Completely normal. You have higher estrogen levels.. things are dryer, and your drive goes out the window. It's much harder to get in the mood. I think it's just nature's way of saying "hey you just *had* a baby, let's not do *that* again"..lol

Please talk to your husband, let him know this is natural, and that it will really help to set the mood - and he will have to 'work' at getting you in the mood. Have patience, try to be romantic, and be sensitive to one anothers wants and needs, without being demanding. It works both ways. You might have to give more than you want, but he needs to understand that it's not gonna be as frequent as it was before baby.
 
I'll tell you what. I have a 4 yr old and a 19 month old and I haven't gotten my sex drive back since having my oldest. I don't think that it normally takes that long, but some women do lose their sex drive after having a baby. Mine is just too long so there's obviously something else going on there that I need to get checked out, but that's besides the point. Yes, it is normal.
 
I'll tell you what. I have a 4 yr old and a 19 month old and I haven't gotten my sex drive back since having my oldest. I don't think that it normally takes that long, but some women do lose their sex drive after having a baby. Mine is just too long so there's obviously something else going on there that I need to get checked out, but that's besides the point. Yes, it is normal.
 
OMG my wife is the same way. We just had a baby in January. We haven't had sex since way before that and I sure don't want to mess her up if you know what I mean.

But it's so frustrating to me sometimes because she has NO desire to even TALK dirty to me or "help me" ease the tension. Heck it's been MONTHS since we made love.

Just know that your husband needs some sort of physical attention. It's not a commodity or desire - it is a NEED. Denying him this will make your marriage dwindle.
 
If you are the person doing most of the child care then you are probably just too tired. Adjusting to a baby can be exhausting, and you don't say whether your baby sleeps much at night, whether you are breastfeeding or work outside the home. If the answers are "doesn't sleep through the night, "I'm breastfeeding" and/or "I work outside the home" then it isn't surprising your sex drive hasn't returned since a person can only do so much.
 
When you first have a baby its hard to transition from mother to lover. It's hard to think in a sexual or sensual way when you've spent all day feeding and cleaning a tiny baby. I had this same problem after each of my children were born. It will pass, believe me. I know it's hard. Try talking to your husband about how you're feeling. try to connect with him in other than sexual ways. That might help you get back into the "lover" mode.
 
I am expecting #3 currently.

With my 1st - I couldn't wait till I got the dr's ok to go back to 'active duty' in the bedroom, however, after #2, I wanted nothing to do with it. So I guess it just depends on hormones, moods, age, tiredness, etc.

You could certainly mention it to your doc, but i dont think its anything to really worry about. :-)
 
My son is 5 months old and I still don't have any desire to have sex, I don't know I think it's normal the fear of getting pregnant again even if you are on BC is still very real, I have a friend whose daughter is over a year old and she still hasn't had sex with her husband she hasn't since she found out she was preggers.
 
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