Just Pretend
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So.. I just came out to my sister... Well she knew I just started going out with someone but i told her it was a girl..
No one else knows, just her.. I plan on telling my friends but.. She doesn't believe me ): and it makes me feel awful. She said that she's okay with it but she thinks it's a stage and that I've been corrupted by a fandom... yaoi... Japanese manga/anime of homosexual pairings.[malexmale]
I'm female*
But.. the thing that made me feel awful was.. what if she's right? What if I'm not gay.. The person I like and are now going out with [less than a week] a really short time, i know that's part of the reason why I'm so confused right now, she's my best friend, also a yaoi fan. I don't love her and I don't lust for her.. I just.. adore being with her, I love to be with her and hugging her is amazing and just holding hands or something [we haven't gone as far as kiss, too soon] Just really silly things.. I can imagine kissing her etc and I would like to try it..
But I have been out with a guy before, I kissed him etc.. felt something at the time but this was a year ago and since we broke up I haven't felt anything toward guys, I can look at a guy and determine who's better looking but I don't feel anything for any guy i know/have seen except friendship.
I love guys as friends, throughout my life, [I'm 16] I've had mainly guy friends and only one or two friends at a time. and I've always been really tomboy-ish I used to hate people just calling me a girl, I loved sports, games and i only wore boys clothing, for the last 3 or 4 years I've gotten alot more girly but I never felt comfortable in skirts or dresses but I love hoodies and jeans..
What I'm asking is, not exactly a question.. I'm asking for advise/guidance please? I felt horrible keeping it from everyone and so told my sister, even though she said she supported it she doesn't think I really am gay.. Maybe I'm not gay maybe I'm bi? Maybe I am just straight and going through a confused stage. But when I'm with my best friend [girlfriend] I don't feel confused about it, it's not awkward.. I was so scared after I confessed that I'd loose her, so much that I didn't say anything till she brought things up.. and now with both our feelings out... It feels right..
She has never been with anyone and I'm scared that because of this she doesn't know what it would be like straight? Between now and after breaking up with my ex I thought I might have been asexual because I didn't feel anything for guys and the idea of heterosexual intercourse... to me.. just isn't appealing.. I've always wanted to adopt and not have a child of my own.. Uhh so much rambling and this isn't half of it.
In short, my family, although oblivious I imagine if they believed me would be fine with it, her family are VERY homophobic. I hate that I'm making trouble for her, being with her.
We've both only recently been having feelings for each other [and the opposite sex] It's all so new that I don't know if what I thought was right is??
I really just wish I could be alone with her for a while, no where in particular just away from all this crap and get my thoughts straight, am I or not lesbian/bi.
Does my story sound fake? Am I just messed up at the moment and need time to get over whatever it is my heads come up with, or do you think I could be gay?
Why am I asking strangers? -Because so far coming out to someone I trust went not so nice and I just want unbiased opinions, please..
@Johnny, Thanks I think your right that I need to give it time and stop overreacting about it, this question looks so whiney Dx sorry ><
@faeglantina, @Phoenix Sol Thank you so much you two!! I felt so much better after reading your answers, I don't feel like I have to work it out so much now, I really do like her and now you've shown me that's all that mattered in the first place, thank you!
No one else knows, just her.. I plan on telling my friends but.. She doesn't believe me ): and it makes me feel awful. She said that she's okay with it but she thinks it's a stage and that I've been corrupted by a fandom... yaoi... Japanese manga/anime of homosexual pairings.[malexmale]
I'm female*
But.. the thing that made me feel awful was.. what if she's right? What if I'm not gay.. The person I like and are now going out with [less than a week] a really short time, i know that's part of the reason why I'm so confused right now, she's my best friend, also a yaoi fan. I don't love her and I don't lust for her.. I just.. adore being with her, I love to be with her and hugging her is amazing and just holding hands or something [we haven't gone as far as kiss, too soon] Just really silly things.. I can imagine kissing her etc and I would like to try it..
But I have been out with a guy before, I kissed him etc.. felt something at the time but this was a year ago and since we broke up I haven't felt anything toward guys, I can look at a guy and determine who's better looking but I don't feel anything for any guy i know/have seen except friendship.
I love guys as friends, throughout my life, [I'm 16] I've had mainly guy friends and only one or two friends at a time. and I've always been really tomboy-ish I used to hate people just calling me a girl, I loved sports, games and i only wore boys clothing, for the last 3 or 4 years I've gotten alot more girly but I never felt comfortable in skirts or dresses but I love hoodies and jeans..
What I'm asking is, not exactly a question.. I'm asking for advise/guidance please? I felt horrible keeping it from everyone and so told my sister, even though she said she supported it she doesn't think I really am gay.. Maybe I'm not gay maybe I'm bi? Maybe I am just straight and going through a confused stage. But when I'm with my best friend [girlfriend] I don't feel confused about it, it's not awkward.. I was so scared after I confessed that I'd loose her, so much that I didn't say anything till she brought things up.. and now with both our feelings out... It feels right..
She has never been with anyone and I'm scared that because of this she doesn't know what it would be like straight? Between now and after breaking up with my ex I thought I might have been asexual because I didn't feel anything for guys and the idea of heterosexual intercourse... to me.. just isn't appealing.. I've always wanted to adopt and not have a child of my own.. Uhh so much rambling and this isn't half of it.
In short, my family, although oblivious I imagine if they believed me would be fine with it, her family are VERY homophobic. I hate that I'm making trouble for her, being with her.
We've both only recently been having feelings for each other [and the opposite sex] It's all so new that I don't know if what I thought was right is??
I really just wish I could be alone with her for a while, no where in particular just away from all this crap and get my thoughts straight, am I or not lesbian/bi.
Does my story sound fake? Am I just messed up at the moment and need time to get over whatever it is my heads come up with, or do you think I could be gay?
Why am I asking strangers? -Because so far coming out to someone I trust went not so nice and I just want unbiased opinions, please..
@Johnny, Thanks I think your right that I need to give it time and stop overreacting about it, this question looks so whiney Dx sorry ><
@faeglantina, @Phoenix Sol Thank you so much you two!! I felt so much better after reading your answers, I don't feel like I have to work it out so much now, I really do like her and now you've shown me that's all that mattered in the first place, thank you!