^~*Juicebox*~^
New member
Okay,so here I go!
Gleaming like stars
In the sky
Everytime I look into your eyes
Your energy was lightining
I felt it as I held your hand
We were going to make it
You were so sure
My heart was like a one man band
You took my soul
And made it soar
Through the sky
You were one special guy
We had cheated death
And runaway a million times
But we ran into her
A girl named Beth
You fell in love
And broke my heart
It shattered into peices
I thought you loved me from the start
So now I lay here
Looking up at the stars
Wishing your were here
In my arms
But then you appear
Sobbing like never before
Looking so innocent
But I'll always wipe away your tear
You told me what she did
How you wanted to hide
She had bid on your love
But I wouldn't let that slide
I won't let you go back
There was no way I'd let him be hurt
Especially by Beth
The bringer of death.
Okay,criticism is welcome,but be nice to me! I have feelings.I don't know what to call it,so any suggestions thats fine with me. I don't know if you understand the poem,I'll try to fix it if you don't by making it more understandable.Even though I have never gone back and rewritten a poem,Maybe I should.Well,any questions just ask I'll get back to you about them,if you like. And no this never happened to me, It's not based on anything real.Beth is not real either.I have never even known a Beth.Well tell me what you think!
Gleaming like stars
In the sky
Everytime I look into your eyes
Your energy was lightining
I felt it as I held your hand
We were going to make it
You were so sure
My heart was like a one man band
You took my soul
And made it soar
Through the sky
You were one special guy
We had cheated death
And runaway a million times
But we ran into her
A girl named Beth
You fell in love
And broke my heart
It shattered into peices
I thought you loved me from the start
So now I lay here
Looking up at the stars
Wishing your were here
In my arms
But then you appear
Sobbing like never before
Looking so innocent
But I'll always wipe away your tear
You told me what she did
How you wanted to hide
She had bid on your love
But I wouldn't let that slide
I won't let you go back
There was no way I'd let him be hurt
Especially by Beth
The bringer of death.
Okay,criticism is welcome,but be nice to me! I have feelings.I don't know what to call it,so any suggestions thats fine with me. I don't know if you understand the poem,I'll try to fix it if you don't by making it more understandable.Even though I have never gone back and rewritten a poem,Maybe I should.Well,any questions just ask I'll get back to you about them,if you like. And no this never happened to me, It's not based on anything real.Beth is not real either.I have never even known a Beth.Well tell me what you think!