I've never met anyone more insecure than me. I doubt myself every second of every day. I'm not the kind of person that puts others down to make myself feel better, I put myself down all the time. I don't really mind my body too much, except for my thighs. I absolutely hate my thighs. They're like barrels. I exercise as much as I can but it doesn't help too much because it's genetic. Every woman in my family has a small waist but thick thighs and I hate them. I wish I had long skinny legs. People tell me my legs are long but they look short and stubby to me, and I feel like my knees are lower then they should be. Other than my thighs and knees I pretty much like the rest of my body.
I hate everything about my face except one thing. My dimples, other than that I feel like I'm the ugliest person in the world. My nose is disgusting, I feel like crying every time I look in a mirror. The shape of my head is so hideous, it's the stupidest shape I've ever seen. I have to take pictures 123456543212345432234532 times and I'll only come out with 1 that's at least half-way decent. I'm not photogenic at all. I hate my lips, I want nice thin lips instead of the ugly fat bulbous lips I have. I hate my eyes, they're small and I hate their shape.
I feel like all my friends are prettier than me. Everytime we go out I feel like the ugly duckling in the group. I don't mean to sound racist, but this especially happens when I go out w/ my white friends. They're all WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY prettier than me and I always end up sitting there looking like an idiot when all these hot guys hit on them. I feel like God has cursed me. I feel like I did something terrible in another life and now God's getting me back by making me hideous, lonely, insecure and dumb. I feel like I annoy everyone, I talk too much and I feel like people just wish I would shut up. I don't have any friends that can relate to me with this problem. All of them are gorgeous and they practically have no problems other than breaking a nail or getting a split end. I'm not asking for any kind of sympathy or attention. My question is what can I do to have more self-esteem. Right now I completely hate myself and I think about suicide at least 10 times a day. I know that I do have a lot to be grateful for in life, and my life isn't too terrible. But I still can't help but feel that everyone would be better off if I were gone. I just wish I could start over in another life. I wish I could pick how I would look, I'd have a normal nose, normal eyes, normal lips and a great life in a big house, my family would have lots of money, I'd have tons of friends, I wouldn't be at home by myself all the time and more people would want to get to know me. If you have any advice on how I can boost my confidence and learn to love myself please tell me. I've talked to my mom and some of my friends but they all tell me the same thing over and over again and none of it helps. I really want to gain some confidence so I can enjoy my life. I'm 16 and a junior in HS by the way.
Here are two pictures of me that I kind of like:
http://i52.tinypic.com/eu3ivt.jpg
http://i51.tinypic.com/3tv14.jpg
I hate everything about my face except one thing. My dimples, other than that I feel like I'm the ugliest person in the world. My nose is disgusting, I feel like crying every time I look in a mirror. The shape of my head is so hideous, it's the stupidest shape I've ever seen. I have to take pictures 123456543212345432234532 times and I'll only come out with 1 that's at least half-way decent. I'm not photogenic at all. I hate my lips, I want nice thin lips instead of the ugly fat bulbous lips I have. I hate my eyes, they're small and I hate their shape.
I feel like all my friends are prettier than me. Everytime we go out I feel like the ugly duckling in the group. I don't mean to sound racist, but this especially happens when I go out w/ my white friends. They're all WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY prettier than me and I always end up sitting there looking like an idiot when all these hot guys hit on them. I feel like God has cursed me. I feel like I did something terrible in another life and now God's getting me back by making me hideous, lonely, insecure and dumb. I feel like I annoy everyone, I talk too much and I feel like people just wish I would shut up. I don't have any friends that can relate to me with this problem. All of them are gorgeous and they practically have no problems other than breaking a nail or getting a split end. I'm not asking for any kind of sympathy or attention. My question is what can I do to have more self-esteem. Right now I completely hate myself and I think about suicide at least 10 times a day. I know that I do have a lot to be grateful for in life, and my life isn't too terrible. But I still can't help but feel that everyone would be better off if I were gone. I just wish I could start over in another life. I wish I could pick how I would look, I'd have a normal nose, normal eyes, normal lips and a great life in a big house, my family would have lots of money, I'd have tons of friends, I wouldn't be at home by myself all the time and more people would want to get to know me. If you have any advice on how I can boost my confidence and learn to love myself please tell me. I've talked to my mom and some of my friends but they all tell me the same thing over and over again and none of it helps. I really want to gain some confidence so I can enjoy my life. I'm 16 and a junior in HS by the way.
Here are two pictures of me that I kind of like:
http://i52.tinypic.com/eu3ivt.jpg
http://i51.tinypic.com/3tv14.jpg