This is pretty embarrassing and mature and personal and all that stuff so if you're going to be a smart ***, I hate you. Anyway... On with my story.
I have been in a relationship for the past 3 and a half years. When I started seeing this person we had a really great relationship. But within half a year or so, I got to know this person better and realized that he's a negative person. An anal person, and a person who never puts myself before himself emotionally. We started fighting a lot. And I would end up in tears never being comforted. I would apologize. I would put myself second, Even if I didn't believe in my apology, because I couldn't stand the way he'd talk to me and hit so low below the belt. It should've been over. And it would've been if I hadn't become pregnant with our son.
Out of the desire to not go through the pregnancy alone and loving him at the time despite his emotional flaws, we continued to date. Through out my pregnancy and after the birth of our son things went from horrible to worse. I can't even beging to quote some of the disgusting names he's called me or the way he would talk down to me in arguments. He has anger issues and always takes things to a completely irrational point. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm absolutely nothing like that. I've had very healthy long relationships in the past and I'm an empathetic caring person who feels love should be expressed often and likes to be light hearted. The opposite of who I discoverd he was. Though, that's who he appeared to be when we first met which is why I was with him at all. So I definitely dealed with very severe emotional and verbal abuse. And if you're thinking how come she stayed, I didn't. I did leave. I even had a relationship with someone else. I didn't want our son to see the way he treated me and grow up to be anything like that.
After a long time, he's gotten help and has changed. I hope anyway. I'm not 100% into the idea of making things work with him, but I'm open to it if he can continue to prove to me that he will be a wonderful, understanding and loving patrner. I do know he loves me. His past record is poor but I understand that he has issues he's needed to work through them and also has grown up seeing his father disrespecting women on a regular basis. He IS changing and I'm proud of him for trying so hard. Though I will leave if I see signs of his old ways, I promise. Sooo anyway....
We're trying to make it work. We have a beautiful son togeather and he's become an incredible man lately. We get along so well now and I love it. Untill sex comes up. I'd rather facebook or watch tv or work out or play with my son or do anything! We used to have a great sex life. And we've been working on things longenough now that I really think I should have some kind of desire to be intimate with him. We've tried a good handfull of times, but even when were in the act, I just can't bring myself to even enjoy it. There was a time when I left him that he made fun of my body for what it had become aftere having our son. I'm in great shape, I run every day. But the pregnancy left me with some light streatch marks and now my boobs are stupid. they used to be fabulous. Anyway, he's apoligized for that and swears he didn't mean it 100s of times,, but the things he pointed out were true. So I don't even feel like I'm sexy to him (even though he swears I am). And I obviously haven't let go of the way he's treated me, I know this. So, my question is, how do I? How do I move on from how bad the past was so I can embrace the future? I do want to be with him as long as he continues to be a better man. And he's an amazing father which I love too. But if we can't even make love then whats the point. Do you think it's just gotten to the point where I'm kidding myself and should move on? I mean come on. Absolutely no desire what so ever? I' only in my early mid 20's. I know thats not normal. Help?
I have been in a relationship for the past 3 and a half years. When I started seeing this person we had a really great relationship. But within half a year or so, I got to know this person better and realized that he's a negative person. An anal person, and a person who never puts myself before himself emotionally. We started fighting a lot. And I would end up in tears never being comforted. I would apologize. I would put myself second, Even if I didn't believe in my apology, because I couldn't stand the way he'd talk to me and hit so low below the belt. It should've been over. And it would've been if I hadn't become pregnant with our son.
Out of the desire to not go through the pregnancy alone and loving him at the time despite his emotional flaws, we continued to date. Through out my pregnancy and after the birth of our son things went from horrible to worse. I can't even beging to quote some of the disgusting names he's called me or the way he would talk down to me in arguments. He has anger issues and always takes things to a completely irrational point. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm absolutely nothing like that. I've had very healthy long relationships in the past and I'm an empathetic caring person who feels love should be expressed often and likes to be light hearted. The opposite of who I discoverd he was. Though, that's who he appeared to be when we first met which is why I was with him at all. So I definitely dealed with very severe emotional and verbal abuse. And if you're thinking how come she stayed, I didn't. I did leave. I even had a relationship with someone else. I didn't want our son to see the way he treated me and grow up to be anything like that.
After a long time, he's gotten help and has changed. I hope anyway. I'm not 100% into the idea of making things work with him, but I'm open to it if he can continue to prove to me that he will be a wonderful, understanding and loving patrner. I do know he loves me. His past record is poor but I understand that he has issues he's needed to work through them and also has grown up seeing his father disrespecting women on a regular basis. He IS changing and I'm proud of him for trying so hard. Though I will leave if I see signs of his old ways, I promise. Sooo anyway....
We're trying to make it work. We have a beautiful son togeather and he's become an incredible man lately. We get along so well now and I love it. Untill sex comes up. I'd rather facebook or watch tv or work out or play with my son or do anything! We used to have a great sex life. And we've been working on things longenough now that I really think I should have some kind of desire to be intimate with him. We've tried a good handfull of times, but even when were in the act, I just can't bring myself to even enjoy it. There was a time when I left him that he made fun of my body for what it had become aftere having our son. I'm in great shape, I run every day. But the pregnancy left me with some light streatch marks and now my boobs are stupid. they used to be fabulous. Anyway, he's apoligized for that and swears he didn't mean it 100s of times,, but the things he pointed out were true. So I don't even feel like I'm sexy to him (even though he swears I am). And I obviously haven't let go of the way he's treated me, I know this. So, my question is, how do I? How do I move on from how bad the past was so I can embrace the future? I do want to be with him as long as he continues to be a better man. And he's an amazing father which I love too. But if we can't even make love then whats the point. Do you think it's just gotten to the point where I'm kidding myself and should move on? I mean come on. Absolutely no desire what so ever? I' only in my early mid 20's. I know thats not normal. Help?