M
Mia
Guest
...with it? okay i hope i don't sound too weird or whiny or anything...i had absolutely no friends in high school, didn't date anyone, didn't go to prom, or any of the normal high school things. at the time being alone was what i wanted, or so i thought. now i'm in college and i've made a few casual friends and, very ironically, i actually have a serious boyfriend. i've come a long way, as in i'm no longer terrified of talking, no longer foolishly committed to not having friends, and am slowly but surely building a social life. considering all this i should be happy, and in some ways i am, but the realization that i lost those four years of friendship and growing and learning hit me really hard when i finally saw what i'd done to myself in choosing not to have friends (i had odd, twisted logic reasons for that that i won't go into). that loss just hurts me so much, and while my new life distracts me from the pain it isn't making it better. in addition i feel like i'm not good enough for my boyfriend, who was normal and had lots of close friends in high school. i know i should just be happy that things are looking up and forget about high school, but i feel like as long as i missed those four years of experience and social development, i'll never fill that void, never be quite normal, always be considered odd and naive, never be good enough, never be close and valued to other people. mostly i'm just really depressed that i lost those four years, and for senseless reasons at that. it seems like everyone but me can talk about their close friends in high school and how their friendships were so close and such an integral part of their lives, and it makes me feel hurt and alienated. am i completely unusual, or has anyone else had the same experience? how do i escape from my empty high school years and become part of the group?