okay so here goes. i posted the essay below in quotes and need opinions on what i should change or if my grammar needs to be fixed or better worded. it's for a class so i'm not sure if it comes off eloquent
"You ask the magic question, "What is the one thing you can not live without?" to any typical person and it's highly likely that their answer will be, "My cell phone!" And here lies the problem...
The problem does not lie with the cell phone, itself; nor does it lie with the easily-distracted person who is merrily walking on his way. It is the troublesome combination of the two.
I think it's fair to say that most everyone these days has a cell phone. Some even have two or three. We all know that they are an important part of our daily lives, right? Well, when did phones start taking over ones life? This is what I think has happened to the new American generation. I see it all the time... a person walking in the mall with their head down, because their texting at an alarming speed, concentrating ever so carefully to make sure their words are "spoken" just right to their recipient. You know those nifty little cell phone holders in purses these days? Well, people don't even use them; they hold onto them like they're sacred artifacts. They wouldn't want to miss a call, or oh my God!... a text.
What really irks me about all of this is that I'm finding more and more everyday that people are so damn focused on their dear sweet cell phones and are so damn busy texting that they have no idea where they're walking, or better yet... who they're walking into! And you can forget an "Excuse me" out of them... uh uh... you're in their way.
I went to the mall yesterday for some spring shopping with my girlfriends and everywhere I looked there was someone on their cell phone talking, someone texting, or just simply playing with it. Now, I'm not saying I don't enjoy tinkering with my Blackberry on a frequent basis, but come on, why does someone even bother going to the mall if they aren't even planning to look around them, fumble through sale racks, or I don't know... eat pizza inside the mall food court? What's even the point? Is that text really that important? Is it necessary to have your phone glued to your ear? I just don't think so."
"You ask the magic question, "What is the one thing you can not live without?" to any typical person and it's highly likely that their answer will be, "My cell phone!" And here lies the problem...
The problem does not lie with the cell phone, itself; nor does it lie with the easily-distracted person who is merrily walking on his way. It is the troublesome combination of the two.
I think it's fair to say that most everyone these days has a cell phone. Some even have two or three. We all know that they are an important part of our daily lives, right? Well, when did phones start taking over ones life? This is what I think has happened to the new American generation. I see it all the time... a person walking in the mall with their head down, because their texting at an alarming speed, concentrating ever so carefully to make sure their words are "spoken" just right to their recipient. You know those nifty little cell phone holders in purses these days? Well, people don't even use them; they hold onto them like they're sacred artifacts. They wouldn't want to miss a call, or oh my God!... a text.
What really irks me about all of this is that I'm finding more and more everyday that people are so damn focused on their dear sweet cell phones and are so damn busy texting that they have no idea where they're walking, or better yet... who they're walking into! And you can forget an "Excuse me" out of them... uh uh... you're in their way.
I went to the mall yesterday for some spring shopping with my girlfriends and everywhere I looked there was someone on their cell phone talking, someone texting, or just simply playing with it. Now, I'm not saying I don't enjoy tinkering with my Blackberry on a frequent basis, but come on, why does someone even bother going to the mall if they aren't even planning to look around them, fumble through sale racks, or I don't know... eat pizza inside the mall food court? What's even the point? Is that text really that important? Is it necessary to have your phone glued to your ear? I just don't think so."