i don't mean to rant here, but i swear this is a question.?

[Chocolate <3]

ok so when i was in 1st grade i was bestfriends with this girl and all throughout untill 8th grade i was then i thought she was ugly and i was cool and i could get better friends freshman year i made friends with this other girl she was a bitch and i tried to go back to my old friends but she wouldn't take me, and neither would i. i was a bitch, selfish, rude, and horrible. so now i have nobody no friends no nothing no anything so i got a cat and i love him to death but i think he hates me in the meantime my mother has always had a steady job as a subsitiue teacher she loved it and we would get our nails done all the time and eat lunch and go shopping. but she got a new job (right around freshman year when i thought i could make new friends) where i never see her, all she does is smoke pot and lay on the couch because she has tooth pains and everytime i do see her all she wants to talk about is how much she hates her life and how much pain she is in and when i try to change the subject she yells at me. i feel lonley and upset all the time, i cry for no reason and have headaches everyday. my grades aren't so great either. there are a group of really mean girls at school who taunt me everyday i see myself as ugly fat stupid and worthless. i never go out all i do is surf the internet and stay home. i hate living like this, and i hate my life. sometimes i feel like everything would be happier and better if i wasn't around. how can i change these feelings?

 

[Will]

I don't think anyone would be happier if you weren't around unless they are cold blooded people who enjoy others suffering. Since you feel terrible, I think you could maybe go up to your old friends and tell them that your extremely - and make this point loud and clear - extremely very very sorry and explain that you were selfish and rude, and whatever else you would use to describe it. Tell her that you understand if she doesn't want to be your friend, but that you want to make it up to her and want to be her friend again. Hopefully, if you are honestly sorry and remorseful and show this when you're talking to her, she will accept your apology and slowly forgive you and gradually let you back in, otherwise, it's gonna take a lot longer and you're just going to have to be nice to them until they finally do accept it. I'm sure if it doesn't work out you could find friends later, but try to patch up your old relationships. I think you should also take up a hobby or interest to get out of the house and have something to feel good about. Once you start to get friends again and learn your lesson, and you start doing things with friends and making new friends elsewhere, hopefully you'll quickly get back on track and happy again, just remember this and learn your lesson and I'm sure you'll be fine. Good luck!

With your mum, maybe try to tell her that you know she feels bad, but that you also feel bad. I'm not sure what your relationship is like, but try to confront her and maybe suggest that she could go back to her old job. From your description, she seemed a lot happier then, but I don't know the situation. Do what you will, but hopefully it will all work out in the end, just persevere and remember all your good points (but don't go overboard, like you did before).

 

[Meredith]

I can bet you anything there's going to be people here telling you you're a horrible person for leaving your friend because you thought she was ugly. But you know what, it happens. In no way can it be justified but it happens and you recognize that it wasn't very nice, so don't pay attention to anybody who tries to make you feel guilty.
Those mean girls at school, I swear to you, the period blood that's being released from my vagina right now is worth more than they are.
You realize your mistake and it sucks that you have to live with it, but I guess you're going to have to start looking for new friends. You're not going to get the other one back and she's right not to want you back, what you did was really hurtful. Making friends is not easy. I have this huge, huge peeve where people on Y!A just tell you: "Make some friends" like it's that easy. It's not. I'm in high school too and this is the second year in a row where I've spent every lunch of every day in a bathroom stall. Sometimes people find me and say, "OMG, DON'T KILL YOURSELF!" and giggle to each other
These people are one of the worst kind of ignorant, insensitive, immature f*ckers out there, and you know what, I feel bad for them because I'd rather be somebody who sits and cries in a bathroom stall at lunch than somebody who goes around making people feel bad.
Things aren't going to be easy so you'll have to be tough and be on your own for a while, but hopefully, hopefully, you'll find somebody decent.
You know, that's all we can hope to do. Finding somebody with a mind in high school is so tough. So for now, just be kind to people who are kind and ignore the ones who aren't. Maybe one of the kind ones will take a liking to you.
Good luck.

 

[frustratednconfused]

it sounds like your very young, Im 25 and i have felt this way too. For me i learned to go out and do things on my own, things that make me happy. You have to be pro-active if you want to change you life. The difference is that im a little older, so my advice to you would be to talk to your counselor or another adult that you really trust. they can probably guide you better.