I Can't Remember You

S

shaazama

New member
Doctor,
Point your ostoscope in my ears and see
The fog of war clouding my neurons
In the humid, navy-blue night of my mind

Can you see yourself through the murk?
Can you see yourself?
Your eyes are beacons on a far away stalactite
Hanging from the ceiling of my skull
The curve of the bone is unscaleable and slippery
Besides, every direction yielRAB the same

I wonder if you'll become the dawn
And that point of light will grow steadily brighter
To consume me and my dark
Or will you fade while I strain to catch a better glimpse
Will your singularity arrive
Like those lifeless inverted mountains by your side

I shout for you to stay and my voice echoes back
I like to think it's your response, repeating my request
So that I'll stay here and concentrate forever
Until an image of your face paints itself across the ground at my feet
And I can reach out
And touch you
I can reach out
And pretend
The stone is your skin
 
I can't tell if this is about someone who is trying to make a doctor more human and less "Roboticus diagnosis" or if it is about someone dying as they look up at the doctor, trying to live.

I like it though, intriguing and descriptive.
 
AllAlienatedAliens, well it's entirely up to you how to interpret it, but I will say you're taking the beggining way too literally.

But thanks, both of you.
 
I can't get over the word doctor when I read this. For osme reason I see a doctor in white when it begins. Im very visual when I read....hard habit for me to break. I probably missed the point entirely.
 
you should totally change "Doctor" to "Nurse."

js. I know you specifically wrote "Doctor" for a reason, but "Nurse" works better. just my tiny, worthless opinion :smoke:
 
Haha, thanks. But I also wanted this to be unspecific in terms of gender, and Nurse brings to mind female far more than Doctor brings to mind a male.

Why does it work better, by the way?
 
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