I can't even pinpoint what is wrong with me, I'm just every where (eating disorders)?

Joie de Vivre

New member
I've never been diagnosed with any form of eating disorder.

-I really am convinced that I had BED (Binge eating disorder) from a young kid until now. I fit all the symptoms to a tee, and I would not be surprised at all if a doctor would diagnose me.

-The past yearish I've been SUPER obsessed about calories, burning fat, and losing weight. I was so absorbed in how awful I looked, and I just continued to turn to food for comfort.

-I am now obese, and the past couple months something FINALLY clicked. I can say no to food. I ranged from 300-700 on most days. (I still binge on occasion). I have been practicing restricting and it has worked. I finally feel in control of what I eat.

-I have a tendancy to purge. I probably have done it 5 times in the last two weeks. Just a guestimate.

-Whenever I gain a pound I get thrown back into this horrible hate for myself, and I get super anxious and start planning on how I'm going to lose that, more, more, and more.

I am so confused right now. Did I just go from eating huge amounts like a fat ass pig, to eating a normal amount?

I always wish I could throw up what I couldn't control in myself, but unfortunatly I am unable to sometimes due to family.

I just restrict, binge, purge, and hate myself every second of the way.

I AM legitimately obese though, 5'3 and 195 pounds? Yeah, I'm a whale.

I just don't fit in any of these topics--- but I know something isn't right. People don't have their thoughts consumed in how they're going to avoid eating lunch at school, people don't get thrown into a heat of extreme anxiety when they can't lose. At least, that's what I've been told.

What's wrong with me?
 
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