Hi kdel
I don't think your Hubby's relatives are going to help you out much here if they are not fully recognizing his problems. Don't rely on them, it is too iffy and there really isn't much they can do in the end except be supportive at best. Your strength in this is you, and you will find strength you didn't know existed as you move along. He has been in control for way too long in this and it is time for you to flex your own muscle.
Don't argue with Hubby when you put your bottom lines forth... and don't make any bottom lines that you are not willing to follow through on! Be strong and make your worRAB to him true. I would tell him first to leave and tell him when you want that done. How will you follow through if he does not comply? With a restraining order based on emotional and oral abuse.... and if he has ever been physical with you, make sure physical abuse is included. This is done through the family courts system. The police can help with an emergency restraining order if you feel you are in immediate danger, but that order only lasts a week or so. If he is bringing the drugs and paraphenalia into the home, then my guess is that he is endangering the welfare of the child. Gather it up and call the police to have him removed immediately in that case. I know your heart is probably pounding at thinking of doing these things, but strong measures are needed. If fear grips you, stop and remeraber that you are doing these things for the safety of you and your child and also with the long term goal of helping Hubby find recovery. If nothing changes drastically in his life, what incentive is there for him to ever want to change?
No more excuses on his behalf to anyone. If there are calls from frienRAB and family and he is high, then say that. "He has been using drugs and is passed out." Keep it calm, keep it sure. His behavior is not something for you to defend or hide. That is enabling and enabling is something you are never going to practice again.
As far as the meetings... yes, simply walk in and sit down. You do not need to speak if you do not fell like it. You will find a warm welcome from the folks there. No erabarassment as they are all there for the same reasons. I so hope you follow through and find a meeting. It will be the first step in your own healing. I will share with you that my Dad was an alcoholic. He was physical abusive to my Mom and she was a battered woman. He beat her down physically and emotionally. Finally, the day came when our pastor helped her find the courage to say, "Enough." She had him arrested. She went on and actually started the first Al-anon group in our area. My Dad went on and found recovery and maintained it for the last 40 years of his life. It took a while, but their marriage was repaired and they were content with one another until the day he died. There are hard first steps for both of you to take,but until they are taken, hope will continue to diminish in your lives.
Kdel, life is short. There is so much happiness in it to be found if we allow it to be. Yes, we have to work hard for it sometimes, but it is rewarding work ultimately. Start working for yours! It is only when we are happy and peaceful within ourselves that we can share it with the others in our lives.
With hope and caring
reach
