Johnny Boy
New member
I'm a 14 year old girl. All my life I've called myself straight.
I have crushes on guys all the time, and think, "Aw, he's cute," or, "Damn, he's hot." I could see myself in a relationship with a guy and really having an emotional connection. In other words, I'm emotionally attracted to guys.
Here's the catch. I am not, whatsoever, sexually attracted to them. At all. 0%. Nope. Nada. None. I am, however, sexually attracted to girls. That sounds so weird, but it's true. Up until now I haven't been able to put a name on my sexuality because it doesn't make sense. I'm sexually attracted to one gender and emotionally attracted to the other? That's not bisexual, that's... I don't even know.
Anyway, I never thought I could feel any emotional, romantic connection with a girl. I've had 100s of crushes on guys and 0 on girls. But there is a girl a year older than me that goes to my school, and I am absolutely in love with her. That sounds so creepy, considering she doesn't even know I exist. But I see her everyday at school (her locker is near mine) and I get butterflies in my stomach, the same way I do when I see a guy I like. Her name is Hope. She's the cutest girl I've ever seen. She doesn't worry about how she looks or what's cool like 99% percent of the girls at our school, and yet she's adorable. And her personality... god. It's indescribable. I feel like such a weirdo/creep... but worse, I feel heartbroken, knowing that I have such strong feelings for someone who: 1) will probably never talk to me in my life, and 2) is straight... as far as I know.
And I'm scared. There's nothing wrong with being gay/bisexual but I already know that if I am, I will NEVER be able to tell a soul. My parents have enough to deal with right now and I feel like I would ruin any relationship I have with them by telling them the truth. My best friend is a pastor's daughter who would not take it well at all. I just feel so alone. And besides, what would I tell them? I don't know what you call what I am... is there a name for being emotionally attracted to guys and sexually attracted to girls (with the exception of one girl who I'm practically in love with)? This doesn't make sense... and I'm fighting back tears as I write this. I just don't know who I am... what I am... anything.
Sorry for making you read all this.
I have crushes on guys all the time, and think, "Aw, he's cute," or, "Damn, he's hot." I could see myself in a relationship with a guy and really having an emotional connection. In other words, I'm emotionally attracted to guys.
Here's the catch. I am not, whatsoever, sexually attracted to them. At all. 0%. Nope. Nada. None. I am, however, sexually attracted to girls. That sounds so weird, but it's true. Up until now I haven't been able to put a name on my sexuality because it doesn't make sense. I'm sexually attracted to one gender and emotionally attracted to the other? That's not bisexual, that's... I don't even know.
Anyway, I never thought I could feel any emotional, romantic connection with a girl. I've had 100s of crushes on guys and 0 on girls. But there is a girl a year older than me that goes to my school, and I am absolutely in love with her. That sounds so creepy, considering she doesn't even know I exist. But I see her everyday at school (her locker is near mine) and I get butterflies in my stomach, the same way I do when I see a guy I like. Her name is Hope. She's the cutest girl I've ever seen. She doesn't worry about how she looks or what's cool like 99% percent of the girls at our school, and yet she's adorable. And her personality... god. It's indescribable. I feel like such a weirdo/creep... but worse, I feel heartbroken, knowing that I have such strong feelings for someone who: 1) will probably never talk to me in my life, and 2) is straight... as far as I know.
And I'm scared. There's nothing wrong with being gay/bisexual but I already know that if I am, I will NEVER be able to tell a soul. My parents have enough to deal with right now and I feel like I would ruin any relationship I have with them by telling them the truth. My best friend is a pastor's daughter who would not take it well at all. I just feel so alone. And besides, what would I tell them? I don't know what you call what I am... is there a name for being emotionally attracted to guys and sexually attracted to girls (with the exception of one girl who I'm practically in love with)? This doesn't make sense... and I'm fighting back tears as I write this. I just don't know who I am... what I am... anything.
Sorry for making you read all this.