I am sick being me?!?

[Xc220]

Have you ever been tired of you are?! I mean im just fed up of being me! Im 22 so this aint a teenage thing which probably makes it worse but i mean im just fed up if being me. Since 13 i have been bullied in secondary/highschool and ever since i have lost my confidence and self esteem! I am in college with great friends but i have never had a proper girlfriend and have always been callled unattracrtive,because i am not the best looking at all! I mean tonight i was called gay by some randomer in the club and i was called this for many years and it has really effected me tonight. I like to think im a good person over all but i am so sick and tired of being slagged and called gay and so forth when i am not by other random people i do not know. i do understand the whole "sticks and stones" concept but why couldnt i have been blessed with looks and so forth! Ok,obviously the way i go on suits the way i get on with my friends and such but randomers would slag me and girls ignore me. It gets to me and it has alright tonight and have cut myself quite alot because of it. I do know the whole seek help thing for the cutting and all but it is really the only "escape" i have at the moment! Please understand! I so get that i should be happy with having my health and arms,fingers etc. but what good is it to me? Im clearly ugly and have problems so why couldnt i have been one of those who born lucky to never be slagged,picked on,and all the sorth! the blessed good;oolong really! Basically feel like crap even though no "real" reason to be like it really. So any advice to help us through it would be great. Thank you for reading this!