I am scared of life after death!!! I can't be a completely good person!?

I keep trying but I can't be perfect. I keep making mistakes. I continue to do stuff that would be labeled as a sin and I laugh at sadistic and cruel jokes. I am also stuck in the middle. I don't entirely doubt but I don't really believe either.

I heard two theories:
-After death you are reborn. If you were bad you are reborn as disabled, mentally retarded, or an animal.

-You go to hell and burn in a lake of fire forever never to be forgiven again.

I try so hard and it's just painful. It's actually painful for me to be completely good and live a totally unselfish and pleasure-less life. Do you eventually get numb and are able to handle the immense pain?

Even if I do act good it doesn't change my thoughts.
 
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