Golden Blue
New member
This guy and I have been friends for three years. We are both (were/are) attracted to each other, but he always has a girlfriend or JUST getting out of a relationship.
A few months ago he had a death in his family. I came over to his house and gave flowers and paid my respects to the family. A week later his family went to the funeral. I came over and made him dinner and we went to play video games. While we were playing we became intimate. It got so deep that I had to turn down sex with him 4 times. 1. He had a girl at that time 2. I wanted to save myself till marriage. He agreed. The next day I went over to talk about what happened. I told him that I cared about him. He told me that he cares about me but he is with a girl. We said we'd remain friends. That same night we are kissing, dancing, and he is feeding me with his hands. This goes on for a few weeks. We are eating dinner when he says to me literally out of the blue (I am NOT exagerting) "you repulse me..."
I stopped talking to him. 4 months go by and he starts calling my friends trying to see if I am mad at him. To the point that my friend gets tired of him and decides that she isn't going to relay any more messages. He calls me. He asks me if I was mad. I told him I'd rather talk about it face to face. He agrees and he sets the time and the place. I show up. He didn't. I stop talking to him again.
Now, bout 2 months later, he is texting me "....I would really like to see you. Maybe at your job?
He comes to my job and tells me that he has feelings for me. We kiss, hold hands, and have a nice time with each other. I told him that I do not want to be the other woman. He understood.
Five days go by and he hasn't texted me called - nothing. I figured that this was a once in a lifetime fling with the man that I loved. I was happy to write it off to history... when...
He came back to my job. As the first time he came to my job it was more or less passion-based... not really aknowleging our impossible situation.
While we were kissing each other his phone rang. It was his girl. I staied quiet while he talked to her.
After he ended the call. We had the conversation that we didn't want to have.
We aknowleged that we both cared for each other. He said the 6 months of not seeing me really "sucked". He told me that he has always cared about me, he always thought that he and I would end up together, but he didn't think that I cared about him in that way. I told him that I have always been in love with him.
I asked him if he was playing me - to be honest.
And he - looking into my eyes - said no. I believe him. He told me that he wishes things were different.
I asked him what we were. He said that "We are two people who are falling in love with each other." He also said that he saw us having a future together.
To be honest I would have been okay with him telling me that he was playing me. At least then dropping the whole thing would have been easier.
We decided to fall back, and not be so intimate. I asked him how are we going to stay away from each other when we adore each other so much. He said that we must be friends. I said "But that is like lying. Is there love between us?" He said yes. I kissed him then... he kissed me back and on my cheeks and forehead. I went back into my building to continue working.
I haven't heard from him in 5 days.
I am the other woman, whether he calls me or not, even though I said that I didn't want to be. This poor girl is/was in the middle of this, and I am so ashamed of myself. I can't help it. I am so selfish.
***** More info on our background
He did ask me out before. Many times, but everyone of those times he was JUST out of a relationship. Also, he was in school, no car, no money, nothing... He needed a friend - of which I was. Until he got settled enough to focus his energy on having a girl. I did not want to interfere with that.
*someone flagged this post and it was deleted!
A few months ago he had a death in his family. I came over to his house and gave flowers and paid my respects to the family. A week later his family went to the funeral. I came over and made him dinner and we went to play video games. While we were playing we became intimate. It got so deep that I had to turn down sex with him 4 times. 1. He had a girl at that time 2. I wanted to save myself till marriage. He agreed. The next day I went over to talk about what happened. I told him that I cared about him. He told me that he cares about me but he is with a girl. We said we'd remain friends. That same night we are kissing, dancing, and he is feeding me with his hands. This goes on for a few weeks. We are eating dinner when he says to me literally out of the blue (I am NOT exagerting) "you repulse me..."
I stopped talking to him. 4 months go by and he starts calling my friends trying to see if I am mad at him. To the point that my friend gets tired of him and decides that she isn't going to relay any more messages. He calls me. He asks me if I was mad. I told him I'd rather talk about it face to face. He agrees and he sets the time and the place. I show up. He didn't. I stop talking to him again.
Now, bout 2 months later, he is texting me "....I would really like to see you. Maybe at your job?
He comes to my job and tells me that he has feelings for me. We kiss, hold hands, and have a nice time with each other. I told him that I do not want to be the other woman. He understood.
Five days go by and he hasn't texted me called - nothing. I figured that this was a once in a lifetime fling with the man that I loved. I was happy to write it off to history... when...
He came back to my job. As the first time he came to my job it was more or less passion-based... not really aknowleging our impossible situation.
While we were kissing each other his phone rang. It was his girl. I staied quiet while he talked to her.
After he ended the call. We had the conversation that we didn't want to have.
We aknowleged that we both cared for each other. He said the 6 months of not seeing me really "sucked". He told me that he has always cared about me, he always thought that he and I would end up together, but he didn't think that I cared about him in that way. I told him that I have always been in love with him.
I asked him if he was playing me - to be honest.
And he - looking into my eyes - said no. I believe him. He told me that he wishes things were different.
I asked him what we were. He said that "We are two people who are falling in love with each other." He also said that he saw us having a future together.
To be honest I would have been okay with him telling me that he was playing me. At least then dropping the whole thing would have been easier.
We decided to fall back, and not be so intimate. I asked him how are we going to stay away from each other when we adore each other so much. He said that we must be friends. I said "But that is like lying. Is there love between us?" He said yes. I kissed him then... he kissed me back and on my cheeks and forehead. I went back into my building to continue working.
I haven't heard from him in 5 days.
I am the other woman, whether he calls me or not, even though I said that I didn't want to be. This poor girl is/was in the middle of this, and I am so ashamed of myself. I can't help it. I am so selfish.
***** More info on our background
He did ask me out before. Many times, but everyone of those times he was JUST out of a relationship. Also, he was in school, no car, no money, nothing... He needed a friend - of which I was. Until he got settled enough to focus his energy on having a girl. I did not want to interfere with that.
*someone flagged this post and it was deleted!