How's this for an opening paragraph to a story?

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Trevor

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*Hey everyone, I'm just looking for some purely unbiased feedback--something quite difficult to come across these days. Be cruel if needs be, I just want to know what you honestly think. Avoid short answers if possible.*

The forsaking moon was absent on the night the stranger came upon the village, and the stars, cowering beneath a black, abyssal canvas of illusory clouds, surrendered the world to an all-consuming darkness. He ran invisibly between these amorphous, uncolored masses that were buildings in the daytime, lost against the numbing obscurity like a wisp of white smoke in a swallowing fog.
No, the whole book's not like this. :)

It's just sort of a fade from black beginning; it's intended to be as vague as possible.
 
This is well-written (except for the 'cowering' clause, which should fall after 'darkness'), but it falls flat as an opening paragraph: You've too many adjectives, and you could probably simplify your sentences. Just from reading this, it is hard for me to tell what is actually happening.

For an opening paragraph, you always want to start off with a paragraph that presents several questions--and it's hard for me to come up with a question here beyond the basics. Toss in a twist somewhere.
 
very discriptive but lacks personality. maybe use more now words, cos some words there are quite old fashionmed.. but amazinggg:D
 
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