How would you rate my poetry?

  • Thread starter Thread starter NaT!
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NaT!

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Indecency

Why are those subjected to hate
Always undeserved?
Why should the differences
By which we discriminate,
be on the outside?
Should we not discriminate
those who are black in soul and not skin?
The ones who only hate
The ones who sit behind television screens,
And tabloid themes,
believing every word they’re told:
hate, rape, drugs, scandal, murder.
And I am naïve!
On that sofa you will rot.
You sit and hate anything you are not,
And will not perceive otherwise,
I call this ignorance;
I call this kin?
But look at you,
Something you’re so afraid to do.
You’re the worst of the lot.

its only a first draft, i intend to change the opening and the vocabulary, the word hate is used too often... i'll thesaurify it later

thanky!
 
Wonderful poem, young lady!

It really touched my heart. This is one of my favorite parts:

Should we not discriminate
those who are black in soul and not skin?

I am sure your further revision will make this poem even more wonderfully poignant, and definitely something that needs to be said.

I am glad you said what we all feel.
 
I like it! I have some words similar to hate, but then you'd have to change the poem..... Check out this website... It has a lot of synonyms of hate. Make sure you know what you mean by hate: dislike or despise?
Good poem by the way. Just make sure when you add the new words they share the same rhyming scheme and emotion(they're both pretty powerful here).
 
I like it! I have some words similar to hate, but then you'd have to change the poem..... Check out this website... It has a lot of synonyms of hate. Make sure you know what you mean by hate: dislike or despise?
Good poem by the way. Just make sure when you add the new words they share the same rhyming scheme and emotion(they're both pretty powerful here).
 
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