If the relay is marked 85, 86, 30.87 you connect the 30 via a fuse direct to the battery, 87 to the lights and you earth(ground) 85 to the chassis. The best way to get the right wire for number 86 is to switch the car's lights on and then touch the wire from 86 to one of the wires on the lights of the car. If the auxillary lights do not come on remove the wire and touch it to te next wire on the car's lights till the aux lights come on. With this wire still connected switch the lights off the car from high beam to low beam and see if the aux lights go off, if not switch back to high beam and try the next wire of the car till you get the wire that will switch the aux lights on and off with those of the car. If the car's high beam lights are completely seperate from the rest then connect # 85 and 86 direct to the two wires of the car's light.