How to discuss problems with my roommate?

[holliday]

I'm sorry this is long, but I really really need help on this one. This kid is just... oh man, please read on and help me out and I can guarantee if you give me good quick advice I'll give you good quick 10 points (unless someone else is better or quicker).

My roommate just move in and he's TERRIBLE! He's a jerk, but that I can kind of deal with (he's been here since Saturday night and has already insulted my life, my family, my decisions, basically everything about me without even thinking about it).

But he's LOUD. He yells instead of talking, slams doors, stomps around the apartment, moves furniture in the middle of the night, thunks things everywhere. Any flat surface in my apartment has had something slapped/dropped/slammed/plopped/thunked/whatever on it. Every cabinet and door has been slammed, including the washing machine and oven. I didn't know you can slam an oven door- you can. Forget the people upstairs, downstairs, next door... I'M going to go nuts!

He also leaves things laying around, and is destructive. He ripped the laundry door off of its track and left it just hanging there like a barn door! What the heck?!?!?! I don't really understand how someone can be so inconsiderate and clueless about EVERYTHING. He doesn't have any food- thank god because I'm sure I'm going to have to worry about him ruining my appliances and dishes and cookware next. But, seriously, I'm about to start hoarding everything in my bedroom. I installed a lock on my door when I moved in and never used it but you can bet your butt I am now.

How do I talk to him without being a total jerk? I am trying to create a relationship that is, at the very least, not antagonistic but it's really hard when he's basically called me a whore and stupid, among other things. I don't want to say "Here's a list of all the things you need to work on..." because doesn't that seem ridiculous? Like he's auditioning or something? But I also don't want to do what I've been doing- sitting in my room waiting for him to do something wrong so I can go out and scold him like the dog he is. Please help!

Also, I know I'm the biggest idiot ever for renting to this guy but LET ME TELL YOU, if I had known it was going to be like this, I would have slapped him in the face and sent him on his way the minute I met him. So if you're going to tell me I'm stupid, don't bother. I know. Really, I KNOW.

 

[Jm e]

Time to kick him out. Now you know why he needed to find a place to live, he probably got evicted from his last one!

 

[hotstuff]

Communication, tell him you need to have a talkj to him now. Tell him what you requre in a room mate, and if he doesnt follow, then he has to find somewhere else.
Next time advertise the qualites you want, and interview well.

 

[Rake]

How do YOU talk to him without being a jerk????

How did you wind up with this guy in the first place? You'd better look very closely at the lease agreement--presumably you have something that is signed, right?

If so, check under what circumstances you can evict him and begin the proceedings. If you don't have a written agreement, then tell him to get the hell out. But check the tenancy laws in your state first.

If you really want to, you can talk to him. I would recommend talking to him with at least one other person present--hopefully someone who has some status or authority. Do you have any cop friends? Tell him straight out what the problems are. And top of the list--any kind of verbal abuse from him is simply not acceptable. Beyond that, you need to develop some rules governing the shared living areas and the noise. If you cannot come to an agreement, then he's released from the lease and you'll give him two weeks to move out. Document it in writing.

Chances are this douchebag will cave as soon as he starts getting the formal letters from you--I would even recommend sending them via registered mail. But seriously, once he sees you're gonna be tough about it, he'll clear off. He's a coward and an bully and he knows that he'll lose if it comes down to it.

 

[who cares]

Explain to him that as a room mate there are certain things you are looking for, quiet and considerate are things that are treasured as a room mate. And if he is as intolerable as you say, then you need to let him know that too. It is best to just be forthright and put your problems in the open. Let him know that a room mate agreement is a month to month agreement, and if he can't fix the current circumstances he will be looking for somewhere new next month.