How to deal with anxiety related to brother's financial independence vs. my own?

jsprplc2006

New member
I've been attending a fairly decent university for the last 3 years. I won't say which one, but it's in the top 100 in the world. My tuition is approximately $6,200 US per year, plus books, and the university's annual budget is over $1 billion US; it's a big, secular school. While my parents were willing to pay for any tuition I couldn't earn over the summer, it was implied that I work full-time (40 hrs/wk) for 4 months during the summer. If not required by my parents, I do it out of decency - it takes a hell of a loser to suck their parents' pockets dry to go to school, and then spend 4 months on your ass while you're able to work.

My younger brother (by 3 years) is now starting university, and he's decided to attend a religious institution, which by law cannot receive government funding. Because of this, his tuition is approximately $16,500 US per year plus books. It is a much smaller school, with no international reputation whatsoever. Just as with myself, my parents are willing to pay whatever he cannot earn over the summer. He only has 3 months of summer this year, as the high school year is longer than a university year, and yet is not working full time. He's putting in maybe 24 hours a week at a retail store, while I've been busting my balls for the last three years getting the highest paying job I can get with my skill set.

Basically, I'm pissed off that:
- My brother's education is of comparitively inferior quality, yet costs 3 times as much.
- I'm working hard to pay for my education, and my brother is not.

To make matters worse, my parents are religious, my brother is religious, and although I have the same upbringing, I am not. I think religions do more harm than good, and simply aren't true. So there's the added possibility that my parents are picking favorites just because my brother buys into the same ridiculous dogma they do.

How do I keep this from getting the best of me? I'm mainly upset that my brother doesn't have the decency to earn as much money as possible, and is instead laying around the house playing computer games all summer. AND, my parents don't seem to have a problem with it, despite his education costing way more than mine.
 
Think of it this way, he may be able to slack off now while he is just bumming around as a student. But when you both have graduated, your degree will be of a much higher quality and will be more prestigious enabling you to gain entry to higher positions. He is likely to not benefit as much from his degree and is likely to have to work harder to get to the same or similar point you will be at. Basically you have such a better jumping off point than he does. So I guess what I am saying is your brother is making some poor choices, and your parents are supporting him in this and allowing it. So chances are, he is going to need to spend a lot of time in life working hard because of this choice.
I think you should talk to your parents about how you feel. I'm sure they don't want you to think they are playing favourites, and if they knew how you felt perhaps they would be more willing to encourage your brother to work. He's going to need all the experience he can get if he wants to get a job at the end of his degree!
 
When you get out of college chances are you will be able to land a vastly superior job than your brother. There is an old saying: "The best revenge is to live better". Let's see how well your brother does with that degree four years from now. Concentrate on your own success and pride yourself that you did it your way and didn't have to kowtow to anyone to succeed - it will be a matter of personal pride for the rest of your life.
 
Your focus is on the wrong person - it needs to be on yourself, not your brother.

You cant possibly control what your brother does or "fix him up" to meet your standards.

If your parents wish for him to work full time, they will make it a condition. However, so far they don't seem to care, so why should your brother make an effort to do more?

Your values and your brother's values just aren't the same. They never will be. Get used to it.

I believe one of the best things we can do in our lives is accept the things we can not change. It's not healthy to worry about people or situations we can not change.
 
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