K
kk
Guest
I've read that they particularly apply when you're dealing with an emotional circumstance. Are there any times when they are OK to use?
The 12 roadblocks are:
1. Ordering, directing, commanding
2. Warning, admonishing, threatening
3. Moralizing, preaching, imploring
4. Advising, giving suggestions or solutions
5. Persuading with logic, lecturing, arguing
6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming
7. Praising, agreeing, evaluating positively, buttering up
8. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming
9. Interpreting, analyzing, diagnosing
10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting
11. Probing, questioning, interrogating
12. Distracting, diverting, kidding
Some of them seem like they wouldn't be bad to use. But there are theories behind why they have been included. For example, regarding "reassuring", one website says: "While these responses are usually very well intentioned, the helpee will probably feel that you just don’t understand. There is a hidden message here which is that you are not comfortable with the helpee’s negative feelings. And, if things do not, in fact, work out, the helpee will feel you had misled them.
The helpee may respond “It’s easy for you to say, but you don’t understand how bad I feel” or “You’re just saying that to make me feel better”. And the helpee would be right!"
But the roadblocks are so easy to slip into! Is this really a widespread theory? Or just an idea that's been floated around?
Persuading with logic is supposed to not work because you are not acknowledging the person's feelings. You are the one with all the "facts" and you're asserting authority over the other person by citing them.
The 12 roadblocks are:
1. Ordering, directing, commanding
2. Warning, admonishing, threatening
3. Moralizing, preaching, imploring
4. Advising, giving suggestions or solutions
5. Persuading with logic, lecturing, arguing
6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming
7. Praising, agreeing, evaluating positively, buttering up
8. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming
9. Interpreting, analyzing, diagnosing
10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting
11. Probing, questioning, interrogating
12. Distracting, diverting, kidding
Some of them seem like they wouldn't be bad to use. But there are theories behind why they have been included. For example, regarding "reassuring", one website says: "While these responses are usually very well intentioned, the helpee will probably feel that you just don’t understand. There is a hidden message here which is that you are not comfortable with the helpee’s negative feelings. And, if things do not, in fact, work out, the helpee will feel you had misled them.
The helpee may respond “It’s easy for you to say, but you don’t understand how bad I feel” or “You’re just saying that to make me feel better”. And the helpee would be right!"
But the roadblocks are so easy to slip into! Is this really a widespread theory? Or just an idea that's been floated around?
Persuading with logic is supposed to not work because you are not acknowledging the person's feelings. You are the one with all the "facts" and you're asserting authority over the other person by citing them.