How Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's Marriage Has Ruined My Life [A Moral Outrage]

[KiRby]

So, yes. Heidi and Spencer got married. The worst couple from MTV's cavalcade of reality miseries The Hills dashed off to Mexico to "elope" (luckily Us Weekly happened to be vacationing on the same beach and had their cameras with them). What this means for their private lives isn't clear and doesn't matter—her parents will be miserable, the thing is fake anyway so who really cares, stock in Happiness Inc. just soared because it is now in such short supply and everyone wants it—but what does matter is what this means for the rest of the season of the soupy series. I think it's going to stink!
I mean it always, always stinks but now it will stink even more and make us feel even more post-millennial angst than usual. For a while it seemed like maybe this whole thing was screeching to a halt, which Heidi and Spencer appearing to be on the brink of a break-up. Heidi seemed to be realizing that her do-nothing layabout Fleshbeard boyfriend is a terrible, terrible person and he increasingly seemed disinterested in the modest fame rays he was getting off of her. It was the most awful, wanly haunting depiction of a fake relationship in real decline we've ever witnessed and now? Now?? Now we just have to slog through the miserable shit with ever-boring-a-hole-in-our-souls knowledge that these two thundering idiots are going to fart off into the sunset together for six more weeks of awful, unearned fame. What a shitty ending for us! I was hoping for something far, far better.
Not that the marriage is going to last or anything. At least we'll maybe get to watch it implode next season.
HEIDI: Spencer can you pick up your dirty socks?
SPENCER: What? I want a divorce.
or
SPENCER: Can you hit an E above C?
HEIDI: What? I want a diborce. I mean a D-I-V-O-R... Wait.
SPENCER: Heidi, who were you spelling that for?
HEIDI: What? Pick up your socks.
SPENCER: I want a diborce.

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